Monday, August 3, 2009
Tri Border Belongs to Noone
Hmm this place is a funny little place. They take US dollars. They officially take Peruvian Soles, but the exchage arte is so awful you may as well use them for toilet paper. Don't carry too many up this way or try to buy many of them before you enter Peru. The Peso seems to have the best lasting value, but then I was planning on living in Colombia so it would. You can use Reals or Pesos on either side of the line, but you will get your change in the local currency of whichever side you are on (mostly). Beer has different prices despite a fixed exchange rate. The border does not really exist. We crossed back and forth for fun because internet was faster in Colombia. Look at mototaxi drivers if you can't remember which side you are on. They have to have helmets by law in Colombia. Its not the case in Brazil so there is a trade in helmet rental next to the flags. The nightlife goes until 3am or so in Leticia and till 6am in Tabatinga even though its an hour ahead. Its a little like making Central London a town, dividing it with Charing Cross road, with no new barriers etc but having Covent Garden an hour ahead of Leicester Square. Mental. Anyway the first night we had a hotel. Well Mauro and me did. The others went drinking. Helen stayed at Dollys. Mauro came home at 2.30am to wake me up and then back again at 5am when he and Dolly could not find a hotel. Great night sleep for me.
I seemed to be the only one who remembered to meet Dave, but he'd already negotiated his bike off the boat for 1/4 the price. We got some food and looked around. Helen's bag had still not arrived and never did. It was somewhere in Caracas last time they saw it, Iberian airlines is apparently unable to operate a telephone to contact its Caracas offices. They lost radio contact. Anyone would assume they were in a war zone. Heaven help them if they ever are. If they find it in the the Green Zone of Caracas, they are now to send it back to London for collection. I opted to stay at Dollys place for the remaining two nights as we had decided to stay for the weekend before pushing on, though we would send Dave's bike ahead of us. We went to a fiesta and lost everyone else seemingly. Dolly was stopped by the police on her bike for not having a licence plate (apparently you dont need one of them in Brazil either) and could not come to Colombia. Mauro left us and they went looking for somewhere. Some cute girls at the bus stop told us where we could go for a night out and we ended up in a bar. Got chatting with some Brazilian girls who were with some Colombian soldiers. Pulled one of them and the soldiers did not take too much offence. Dave went back and Helen had a fit when I decided to stay. She left pissed off and I waited for the two girls to come back. This Portuguese malarkey was hard work. They did not make it back the second time due to the rain and so I ended up chatting with a Colombian waitress. She taught me to dance a bit in the rain and I walked her home before turfing in for the night around 7am.
No sleep again. No wonder I am sick now when i look back on this. Could not be bothered to ring the girl as she ahd not made it back. Mind you, they should not have been riding motorcycles after that much drink. Dave and I went to the dock and loaded on his bike. They laughed at the fee they got and then were laughing less as they probably earned it, having to laod a 650cc trail bike onto a motorized canoe and get it across to Santa Rosa and unlaod it. Ticket guy was reluctant to reserve us a ticket and Dave did not want to buy one before his bike was ok. He ended up leaving his helmet and his passport behind so ahd to go back. I ended up with a long chat with the locals in the dockyard. Got invited to be their goalkeeper, joked around and generally enjoyed being back speaking Spanish and not the drunken version. Well except for the bar the night before. The customs and immigration people were arseholes though and we ended up going back and forth across the river to solve problems at both ends. Sometimes we even had to jump between boats on the Amazon as they switched direction. Leticia has some pretty parts (park and malecon), which I found when a boat took me to the wrong place. The last time I got back to Dave they were pushing his bike on, negotiated a fee and then wanted more because it was 'hard work'. This was par for the course seemingly in Peru. We grabbed some pizza and went to the festival of the dancing kids seemingly. Was a bit shit. Helen went back after we watched some military parades and I hung around for a bit, but was so knackered I went back to crash. Keep some US dollars for your fast boat tickets to Iquitos by the way as they give you shit exchange rates for the other 3 currencies. Pesos is the best of the rest.
No sleep again. The boat guys in the morning were wankers and were insisting they would wait for full passage and that locals pay the same we do. Liars on both accounts. When we got to the other side I kept shining my torch in one of the guy's eyes while the others went to immigration. God punished me for my childish petulance by making my chair leg fall through the jetty and sent me sprawling. Lesson learnt. Food was shit. Par for the boats. They kept complaining I tipped my seat back, when they said nothing to the dude crushing my legs. I kept it down. If you make boats for midgets with reclining seats, you can't complain if someone uses them. The boat ride is about 8 hours. I slept for all of it. That way it goes quite quickly. Preferable to travelling in the awful cargo hulk that Daves bike went in. Country number 50 (Vatican included). Welcome to Iquitos.
I seemed to be the only one who remembered to meet Dave, but he'd already negotiated his bike off the boat for 1/4 the price. We got some food and looked around. Helen's bag had still not arrived and never did. It was somewhere in Caracas last time they saw it, Iberian airlines is apparently unable to operate a telephone to contact its Caracas offices. They lost radio contact. Anyone would assume they were in a war zone. Heaven help them if they ever are. If they find it in the the Green Zone of Caracas, they are now to send it back to London for collection. I opted to stay at Dollys place for the remaining two nights as we had decided to stay for the weekend before pushing on, though we would send Dave's bike ahead of us. We went to a fiesta and lost everyone else seemingly. Dolly was stopped by the police on her bike for not having a licence plate (apparently you dont need one of them in Brazil either) and could not come to Colombia. Mauro left us and they went looking for somewhere. Some cute girls at the bus stop told us where we could go for a night out and we ended up in a bar. Got chatting with some Brazilian girls who were with some Colombian soldiers. Pulled one of them and the soldiers did not take too much offence. Dave went back and Helen had a fit when I decided to stay. She left pissed off and I waited for the two girls to come back. This Portuguese malarkey was hard work. They did not make it back the second time due to the rain and so I ended up chatting with a Colombian waitress. She taught me to dance a bit in the rain and I walked her home before turfing in for the night around 7am.
No sleep again. No wonder I am sick now when i look back on this. Could not be bothered to ring the girl as she ahd not made it back. Mind you, they should not have been riding motorcycles after that much drink. Dave and I went to the dock and loaded on his bike. They laughed at the fee they got and then were laughing less as they probably earned it, having to laod a 650cc trail bike onto a motorized canoe and get it across to Santa Rosa and unlaod it. Ticket guy was reluctant to reserve us a ticket and Dave did not want to buy one before his bike was ok. He ended up leaving his helmet and his passport behind so ahd to go back. I ended up with a long chat with the locals in the dockyard. Got invited to be their goalkeeper, joked around and generally enjoyed being back speaking Spanish and not the drunken version. Well except for the bar the night before. The customs and immigration people were arseholes though and we ended up going back and forth across the river to solve problems at both ends. Sometimes we even had to jump between boats on the Amazon as they switched direction. Leticia has some pretty parts (park and malecon), which I found when a boat took me to the wrong place. The last time I got back to Dave they were pushing his bike on, negotiated a fee and then wanted more because it was 'hard work'. This was par for the course seemingly in Peru. We grabbed some pizza and went to the festival of the dancing kids seemingly. Was a bit shit. Helen went back after we watched some military parades and I hung around for a bit, but was so knackered I went back to crash. Keep some US dollars for your fast boat tickets to Iquitos by the way as they give you shit exchange rates for the other 3 currencies. Pesos is the best of the rest.
No sleep again. The boat guys in the morning were wankers and were insisting they would wait for full passage and that locals pay the same we do. Liars on both accounts. When we got to the other side I kept shining my torch in one of the guy's eyes while the others went to immigration. God punished me for my childish petulance by making my chair leg fall through the jetty and sent me sprawling. Lesson learnt. Food was shit. Par for the boats. They kept complaining I tipped my seat back, when they said nothing to the dude crushing my legs. I kept it down. If you make boats for midgets with reclining seats, you can't complain if someone uses them. The boat ride is about 8 hours. I slept for all of it. That way it goes quite quickly. Preferable to travelling in the awful cargo hulk that Daves bike went in. Country number 50 (Vatican included). Welcome to Iquitos.
Brazil Part 3: Amazon Boat Ride
We boarded our ship for the epic 5/7 day voyage. We did not actually have any clue how long this thing would take and neither did the crew seemingly. Or anyone on board. Organisation is not an Amazon strong point. The boat itself looks like one of those New Orleans style boats. Three floors. The bottom floor was for cargo and noone was allowed down there, except for random people carrying tupperware boxes. They seemed to be reemerging with foo, but I believe it to be the same shit we were being served on the normal deck. The second floor was full of 500 hammocks crammed into a space the size of a quarter of a football pitch. Lots of swinging, lots of getting in each others way, lots of security risks and lots of fun. The only thing there was not a lot of was, was sleep. The top deck ahd some cabins for those with more money, a tuck shop with beer, a cinema which we did not know about for a few days and a deck/dance floor for forro with the bugs. David, the Aussie guy who had joined us for food was on our boat, along with Dolly and a Swiss guy named Mauro. There were a couple of French girls (one who always seemed to look chic no matter what) and a couple of French guys who spent most of their time in their cabin. David was supposed to have gone the night before, but some guys on the boat ahd said it was going at 4pm and while he went to buy some stuff the boat set off with his bike to the tri border. He then got a gout attack and got conned by some hammock salesmen due to his lack of mobility at the time. The food was quite monotonous. And this was day one. Rice , spaghetti and beans with either chicken or beef. It got so repetitive I got confused oen day. I could not work out why the chicken was so different tasting. Then someone pointed out it was fish. I had even forgotten what other types of food tasted like. We passed on up the Amazon past flooded towns and I got lost on the boat flirting with some locals. Ended up chatting with 3 Brazilian girls and a guy on deck. The guy and one girl with a kid spoke some Spanish. The others not apparently. Will get back to that. Was a shame as the other two were quite cute. That night we drank a lot of beer on deck and played cards. Standarsd fair for the voyage. Then we were assaulted by an assortment of bugs we had never seen before. Every night they gatecrashed the boat and the deck to get in on the party. Strange stuff. The big bastards always got stuck on their bag wiggling crazzily, some some juke jiving breakdancer. I whacked my head a few times and retired to the hammock.
In the morning I had a colossal hangover. Only the second of the trip. Maybe third. I thought I might have meningitis. I slept for all of the morning as there was no point getting up. Then I drank cachasa reading the economist. I can't communicate with anyone, though everyone is always smiling. You could have a ball on these boats if you spoke Portuguese. David still had the gout and no medication. I had possible foot fungus (false alarm as was the meningitis). There was nothing to do and nowhere to go so I took to taking my showers in my clothes and sleeping in them to. All purpose shell suit bottoms. Drank more Cachasa. Played cards with the 18 year old mum. She thinks Helen is my girlfriend. This is reoccuring. Then they think one of the Frecnh girls is. Fuck this. Went drinking with Mauro and his friends. Then we turfed in. Food still the same monotonous shit. More god damn Forro.
Overslept breakfast again. Can't get motivated for a bread roll. Oh well, at least its not rcie and chicken. I have written 'not much happens on these boats' and then all day long nothing happened again. Played cards, did a bit of Spanish (a bonus of the monotony). This river is very long. You can kind of see how the siege mentality sets in. Flirting some more. Damn this stupid language. The Brazilian girls are getting pissed in the day with some random dudes. One of them hooked up with some local married man. Par for the course. Every girl has a kid obn this boat. The rest of Brazil call them degenerate rabbits up here. Thats quite a tag to get from some Brazilians. More cards. We went up drinking. Got chatting with one of the girls who does not speak Spanish. Wow I understand Portuguese. Wait, no, its Spanish. Hey she speaks Spanish. Yeah aparently she is part Colombian and the Blondie speaks good Spanish as well, but the mother had ordered them not to speak to me, because she wanted me. Ah God. Its playground politics all over again. I was a little furious. Probably shot myself in the foot as well. Colombians married man wanted to swap her for Helen. I was game. Even Helen quite liked him. She had earnt the nickname 'Great White Slut' off Dave though for her flirtatiousness with the local men. She had yet to suss out quite how South American men think. The French girl who spoke no English finally started talking in Spanish. She's actually really nice. I had thought she was really frosty. I could understand when the girls had been laughing the other day. They had been laughing at the Mothers attempts to speak to me when they understood every bloody word I was saying. Useless bums. There was a fat pig man next to one of the French girls. He snored so loud he woke everyone up and then sneezed his false teeth onto his stomach. A born entertainer and sleep depriver.
The next day we docked and I elft the boat long after everyone else. We docked at generic ports every day. Dolly took Dave to get a jab in his arse for the gout. I lost 50 Reals after eventually finding the bank second time lucky, in what was a tremendous bout of stupidity. Helen and David had card problems apparently. Ah yeah Helen keeps forgetting what game we are playing and David can't tell Clubs from Spades which is a problem when you are playign Whyst. We had become de facto babysitters for the boat trip. They always came to play with us. There was one freak kid who never spoke. His mum was a bitch. He ended up coming out of his shell towards the end, but got overexcited and bit me in the leg before we took him plane spinning. Another kid loved my mp3 player and borrowed it. He then took Helen's camera and came back with an awesome load of kids eye photos. He was only 5. He even got into my hammock to listen to Guns and Roses. I could not help but think in England I would have been in an awful lot of shit for that. One of thew 11 year old kids was even in charge of babysitting the other babies. They grow up fast down here. Adults before their time. Spoils their playing, but makes them much more effective. By this point Helen had child stalkers and they all played cards with us. I avoided the girls as I was still fuming. My loss as Mauro ended up pulling Blondie. We then went to get some cachasa and decided to join the girls up on deck. We were refused by the barman as he wanted Mother and then the captain confiscated our cachasa. We tried to break in and steal it back, but got apprehended and that mission impossible failed us. We settled for some beers and then Mauro hedged his bets by hooking up with Dolly. The cute French girl was really sick and in pain. We hung around on the decks and Mother and Blondie were about eventually but I was last man standing. The girls all departed the boat in the early hours of the morning. The only diversions from the tedium were gone. Fuck this boat. It was still kind of fun though.
More cards in the morning. This was like Ciudad Perdida all over again. Mauro had hooked up with Dolly and I had officially become a bitter, drunken writer. Damn those pacts. David borrowed and read 'Hells Angels'. I had won both my bets. That David had handed Helenb her stuff and that Mauro would hook up with Dolly. Helen had said I was wrong and can't read women. She stands corrected. She then ended up encountering female health problems of her own and this boat was not the place for that. We finally saw some pink dolphins. Only they were a freaky half breed of grey and pink. Still they would do. Saves the tour in Leticia. Ah no I am wrong. That happened on the next boat. So in fact we were merely vindicated for not going on a tour in Leticia. The hammocks were clearing and our epic voyage was sadly coming to an end. I wrote 'can't remember what happened where and I don't care'. Sounds about apt. Half of my book makes no sense. Thats still an accurate assessment. I did more Spanish learning and declared that I would start reading in Bogota. Hopefully its still the case. Aiming to be back in Bogota in just one week now. Time to settle down and live in one place for a while. Have good friends there and seems like I have some cool new people to meet. The insects invaded again. I figured I would just study Spanish and English for 3 months. That may change. A sudden panic over money means I may actually work. Its accentuated by this infernal, tawdry, ever-living, altitude denying ear infection that I have. More cards. More rice and chicken.
Everything was blurring into one by now. If I did not start each day with a new paragraph, I don't think I would know how many days I was on the boat. I will hazard a guess. Too many. I finallt got up for the bread roll. It was not worth it. I found some fucked up cards and was going to give them to freak kid. He just threw them around and then packed them neatly up. Given that when we first met the feral thing he was spitting oranges all over us, I think we had taught him that he gets further by being well behaved. And we never hit him once. Take that for a lesson, believers in capital punishment. Behavioral coercion is superior. Approaching the end. Out of sync but noone cares at this stage. I got a stomach sickness. Need to get back on the multivitamins. At least I have listerine now. One hours sleep left me grumpy as shit. The boat captain wanted extra money for Davids bike. The police would not intervene. So he decided to sleep in the boat to wait it out and see what would happen in the morning. The rest of us took an overpriced taxi into Tabatinga.
In the morning I had a colossal hangover. Only the second of the trip. Maybe third. I thought I might have meningitis. I slept for all of the morning as there was no point getting up. Then I drank cachasa reading the economist. I can't communicate with anyone, though everyone is always smiling. You could have a ball on these boats if you spoke Portuguese. David still had the gout and no medication. I had possible foot fungus (false alarm as was the meningitis). There was nothing to do and nowhere to go so I took to taking my showers in my clothes and sleeping in them to. All purpose shell suit bottoms. Drank more Cachasa. Played cards with the 18 year old mum. She thinks Helen is my girlfriend. This is reoccuring. Then they think one of the Frecnh girls is. Fuck this. Went drinking with Mauro and his friends. Then we turfed in. Food still the same monotonous shit. More god damn Forro.
Overslept breakfast again. Can't get motivated for a bread roll. Oh well, at least its not rcie and chicken. I have written 'not much happens on these boats' and then all day long nothing happened again. Played cards, did a bit of Spanish (a bonus of the monotony). This river is very long. You can kind of see how the siege mentality sets in. Flirting some more. Damn this stupid language. The Brazilian girls are getting pissed in the day with some random dudes. One of them hooked up with some local married man. Par for the course. Every girl has a kid obn this boat. The rest of Brazil call them degenerate rabbits up here. Thats quite a tag to get from some Brazilians. More cards. We went up drinking. Got chatting with one of the girls who does not speak Spanish. Wow I understand Portuguese. Wait, no, its Spanish. Hey she speaks Spanish. Yeah aparently she is part Colombian and the Blondie speaks good Spanish as well, but the mother had ordered them not to speak to me, because she wanted me. Ah God. Its playground politics all over again. I was a little furious. Probably shot myself in the foot as well. Colombians married man wanted to swap her for Helen. I was game. Even Helen quite liked him. She had earnt the nickname 'Great White Slut' off Dave though for her flirtatiousness with the local men. She had yet to suss out quite how South American men think. The French girl who spoke no English finally started talking in Spanish. She's actually really nice. I had thought she was really frosty. I could understand when the girls had been laughing the other day. They had been laughing at the Mothers attempts to speak to me when they understood every bloody word I was saying. Useless bums. There was a fat pig man next to one of the French girls. He snored so loud he woke everyone up and then sneezed his false teeth onto his stomach. A born entertainer and sleep depriver.
The next day we docked and I elft the boat long after everyone else. We docked at generic ports every day. Dolly took Dave to get a jab in his arse for the gout. I lost 50 Reals after eventually finding the bank second time lucky, in what was a tremendous bout of stupidity. Helen and David had card problems apparently. Ah yeah Helen keeps forgetting what game we are playing and David can't tell Clubs from Spades which is a problem when you are playign Whyst. We had become de facto babysitters for the boat trip. They always came to play with us. There was one freak kid who never spoke. His mum was a bitch. He ended up coming out of his shell towards the end, but got overexcited and bit me in the leg before we took him plane spinning. Another kid loved my mp3 player and borrowed it. He then took Helen's camera and came back with an awesome load of kids eye photos. He was only 5. He even got into my hammock to listen to Guns and Roses. I could not help but think in England I would have been in an awful lot of shit for that. One of thew 11 year old kids was even in charge of babysitting the other babies. They grow up fast down here. Adults before their time. Spoils their playing, but makes them much more effective. By this point Helen had child stalkers and they all played cards with us. I avoided the girls as I was still fuming. My loss as Mauro ended up pulling Blondie. We then went to get some cachasa and decided to join the girls up on deck. We were refused by the barman as he wanted Mother and then the captain confiscated our cachasa. We tried to break in and steal it back, but got apprehended and that mission impossible failed us. We settled for some beers and then Mauro hedged his bets by hooking up with Dolly. The cute French girl was really sick and in pain. We hung around on the decks and Mother and Blondie were about eventually but I was last man standing. The girls all departed the boat in the early hours of the morning. The only diversions from the tedium were gone. Fuck this boat. It was still kind of fun though.
More cards in the morning. This was like Ciudad Perdida all over again. Mauro had hooked up with Dolly and I had officially become a bitter, drunken writer. Damn those pacts. David borrowed and read 'Hells Angels'. I had won both my bets. That David had handed Helenb her stuff and that Mauro would hook up with Dolly. Helen had said I was wrong and can't read women. She stands corrected. She then ended up encountering female health problems of her own and this boat was not the place for that. We finally saw some pink dolphins. Only they were a freaky half breed of grey and pink. Still they would do. Saves the tour in Leticia. Ah no I am wrong. That happened on the next boat. So in fact we were merely vindicated for not going on a tour in Leticia. The hammocks were clearing and our epic voyage was sadly coming to an end. I wrote 'can't remember what happened where and I don't care'. Sounds about apt. Half of my book makes no sense. Thats still an accurate assessment. I did more Spanish learning and declared that I would start reading in Bogota. Hopefully its still the case. Aiming to be back in Bogota in just one week now. Time to settle down and live in one place for a while. Have good friends there and seems like I have some cool new people to meet. The insects invaded again. I figured I would just study Spanish and English for 3 months. That may change. A sudden panic over money means I may actually work. Its accentuated by this infernal, tawdry, ever-living, altitude denying ear infection that I have. More cards. More rice and chicken.
Everything was blurring into one by now. If I did not start each day with a new paragraph, I don't think I would know how many days I was on the boat. I will hazard a guess. Too many. I finallt got up for the bread roll. It was not worth it. I found some fucked up cards and was going to give them to freak kid. He just threw them around and then packed them neatly up. Given that when we first met the feral thing he was spitting oranges all over us, I think we had taught him that he gets further by being well behaved. And we never hit him once. Take that for a lesson, believers in capital punishment. Behavioral coercion is superior. Approaching the end. Out of sync but noone cares at this stage. I got a stomach sickness. Need to get back on the multivitamins. At least I have listerine now. One hours sleep left me grumpy as shit. The boat captain wanted extra money for Davids bike. The police would not intervene. So he decided to sleep in the boat to wait it out and see what would happen in the morning. The rest of us took an overpriced taxi into Tabatinga.
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