Monday, August 3, 2009

Brazil Part 3: Amazon Boat Ride

We boarded our ship for the epic 5/7 day voyage. We did not actually have any clue how long this thing would take and neither did the crew seemingly. Or anyone on board. Organisation is not an Amazon strong point. The boat itself looks like one of those New Orleans style boats. Three floors. The bottom floor was for cargo and noone was allowed down there, except for random people carrying tupperware boxes. They seemed to be reemerging with foo, but I believe it to be the same shit we were being served on the normal deck. The second floor was full of 500 hammocks crammed into a space the size of a quarter of a football pitch. Lots of swinging, lots of getting in each others way, lots of security risks and lots of fun. The only thing there was not a lot of was, was sleep. The top deck ahd some cabins for those with more money, a tuck shop with beer, a cinema which we did not know about for a few days and a deck/dance floor for forro with the bugs. David, the Aussie guy who had joined us for food was on our boat, along with Dolly and a Swiss guy named Mauro. There were a couple of French girls (one who always seemed to look chic no matter what) and a couple of French guys who spent most of their time in their cabin. David was supposed to have gone the night before, but some guys on the boat ahd said it was going at 4pm and while he went to buy some stuff the boat set off with his bike to the tri border. He then got a gout attack and got conned by some hammock salesmen due to his lack of mobility at the time. The food was quite monotonous. And this was day one. Rice , spaghetti and beans with either chicken or beef. It got so repetitive I got confused oen day. I could not work out why the chicken was so different tasting. Then someone pointed out it was fish. I had even forgotten what other types of food tasted like. We passed on up the Amazon past flooded towns and I got lost on the boat flirting with some locals. Ended up chatting with 3 Brazilian girls and a guy on deck. The guy and one girl with a kid spoke some Spanish. The others not apparently. Will get back to that. Was a shame as the other two were quite cute. That night we drank a lot of beer on deck and played cards. Standarsd fair for the voyage. Then we were assaulted by an assortment of bugs we had never seen before. Every night they gatecrashed the boat and the deck to get in on the party. Strange stuff. The big bastards always got stuck on their bag wiggling crazzily, some some juke jiving breakdancer. I whacked my head a few times and retired to the hammock.

In the morning I had a colossal hangover. Only the second of the trip. Maybe third. I thought I might have meningitis. I slept for all of the morning as there was no point getting up. Then I drank cachasa reading the economist. I can't communicate with anyone, though everyone is always smiling. You could have a ball on these boats if you spoke Portuguese. David still had the gout and no medication. I had possible foot fungus (false alarm as was the meningitis). There was nothing to do and nowhere to go so I took to taking my showers in my clothes and sleeping in them to. All purpose shell suit bottoms. Drank more Cachasa. Played cards with the 18 year old mum. She thinks Helen is my girlfriend. This is reoccuring. Then they think one of the Frecnh girls is. Fuck this. Went drinking with Mauro and his friends. Then we turfed in. Food still the same monotonous shit. More god damn Forro.

Overslept breakfast again. Can't get motivated for a bread roll. Oh well, at least its not rcie and chicken. I have written 'not much happens on these boats' and then all day long nothing happened again. Played cards, did a bit of Spanish (a bonus of the monotony). This river is very long. You can kind of see how the siege mentality sets in. Flirting some more. Damn this stupid language. The Brazilian girls are getting pissed in the day with some random dudes. One of them hooked up with some local married man. Par for the course. Every girl has a kid obn this boat. The rest of Brazil call them degenerate rabbits up here. Thats quite a tag to get from some Brazilians. More cards. We went up drinking. Got chatting with one of the girls who does not speak Spanish. Wow I understand Portuguese. Wait, no, its Spanish. Hey she speaks Spanish. Yeah aparently she is part Colombian and the Blondie speaks good Spanish as well, but the mother had ordered them not to speak to me, because she wanted me. Ah God. Its playground politics all over again. I was a little furious. Probably shot myself in the foot as well. Colombians married man wanted to swap her for Helen. I was game. Even Helen quite liked him. She had earnt the nickname 'Great White Slut' off Dave though for her flirtatiousness with the local men. She had yet to suss out quite how South American men think. The French girl who spoke no English finally started talking in Spanish. She's actually really nice. I had thought she was really frosty. I could understand when the girls had been laughing the other day. They had been laughing at the Mothers attempts to speak to me when they understood every bloody word I was saying. Useless bums. There was a fat pig man next to one of the French girls. He snored so loud he woke everyone up and then sneezed his false teeth onto his stomach. A born entertainer and sleep depriver.

The next day we docked and I elft the boat long after everyone else. We docked at generic ports every day. Dolly took Dave to get a jab in his arse for the gout. I lost 50 Reals after eventually finding the bank second time lucky, in what was a tremendous bout of stupidity. Helen and David had card problems apparently. Ah yeah Helen keeps forgetting what game we are playing and David can't tell Clubs from Spades which is a problem when you are playign Whyst. We had become de facto babysitters for the boat trip. They always came to play with us. There was one freak kid who never spoke. His mum was a bitch. He ended up coming out of his shell towards the end, but got overexcited and bit me in the leg before we took him plane spinning. Another kid loved my mp3 player and borrowed it. He then took Helen's camera and came back with an awesome load of kids eye photos. He was only 5. He even got into my hammock to listen to Guns and Roses. I could not help but think in England I would have been in an awful lot of shit for that. One of thew 11 year old kids was even in charge of babysitting the other babies. They grow up fast down here. Adults before their time. Spoils their playing, but makes them much more effective. By this point Helen had child stalkers and they all played cards with us. I avoided the girls as I was still fuming. My loss as Mauro ended up pulling Blondie. We then went to get some cachasa and decided to join the girls up on deck. We were refused by the barman as he wanted Mother and then the captain confiscated our cachasa. We tried to break in and steal it back, but got apprehended and that mission impossible failed us. We settled for some beers and then Mauro hedged his bets by hooking up with Dolly. The cute French girl was really sick and in pain. We hung around on the decks and Mother and Blondie were about eventually but I was last man standing. The girls all departed the boat in the early hours of the morning. The only diversions from the tedium were gone. Fuck this boat. It was still kind of fun though.

More cards in the morning. This was like Ciudad Perdida all over again. Mauro had hooked up with Dolly and I had officially become a bitter, drunken writer. Damn those pacts. David borrowed and read 'Hells Angels'. I had won both my bets. That David had handed Helenb her stuff and that Mauro would hook up with Dolly. Helen had said I was wrong and can't read women. She stands corrected. She then ended up encountering female health problems of her own and this boat was not the place for that. We finally saw some pink dolphins. Only they were a freaky half breed of grey and pink. Still they would do. Saves the tour in Leticia. Ah no I am wrong. That happened on the next boat. So in fact we were merely vindicated for not going on a tour in Leticia. The hammocks were clearing and our epic voyage was sadly coming to an end. I wrote 'can't remember what happened where and I don't care'. Sounds about apt. Half of my book makes no sense. Thats still an accurate assessment. I did more Spanish learning and declared that I would start reading in Bogota. Hopefully its still the case. Aiming to be back in Bogota in just one week now. Time to settle down and live in one place for a while. Have good friends there and seems like I have some cool new people to meet. The insects invaded again. I figured I would just study Spanish and English for 3 months. That may change. A sudden panic over money means I may actually work. Its accentuated by this infernal, tawdry, ever-living, altitude denying ear infection that I have. More cards. More rice and chicken.

Everything was blurring into one by now. If I did not start each day with a new paragraph, I don't think I would know how many days I was on the boat. I will hazard a guess. Too many. I finallt got up for the bread roll. It was not worth it. I found some fucked up cards and was going to give them to freak kid. He just threw them around and then packed them neatly up. Given that when we first met the feral thing he was spitting oranges all over us, I think we had taught him that he gets further by being well behaved. And we never hit him once. Take that for a lesson, believers in capital punishment. Behavioral coercion is superior. Approaching the end. Out of sync but noone cares at this stage. I got a stomach sickness. Need to get back on the multivitamins. At least I have listerine now. One hours sleep left me grumpy as shit. The boat captain wanted extra money for Davids bike. The police would not intervene. So he decided to sleep in the boat to wait it out and see what would happen in the morning. The rest of us took an overpriced taxi into Tabatinga.

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