Thailand Part 2 (Koh Phang Nan and Ko Tao)

I forgot to mention that we had had problems the night before with the cash machine in the park.  Needing to draw 8000 Baht for our 5 day budget, I was confronted by a cash machine that only gave out 100 Baht bills and subsequently could only give us 2000 Baht.  Annoying as every cash transaction in  Thailand comes with a wonderful 3 quid charge.

Anyway back to the road.  We took the bus to the ferry in Surat Thani.  Or more accurately we were herded like cattle to Surat Thani, where we were handed over to a random bus station where we waited 2 hours before being herded into another bus.  We were then transported to another ferry point miles from the normal one.  The Swedish couple had been told that we'd leave at 2pm so the girl was going bat shit crazy at 2.10pm in some random gibberish.  All of us didn't know what she was talking about and didn't care as we'd all been told it would get there at 3pm.  She was a super bitch.  Also on our bus were two Irish guys and an English guy swapping stories of drink, drugs and prostitutes, mingled with some Thai boxing.  Oh whoopy.  All my favourite types of tourists in one place.  They were spoiling me :-)  My neck is still bothering me and still is as I write this.  I need to see someone for it somewhere.  We were early so we took a 20 minute break and then missed the boat.  Excellent.  That takes some doing.  So we got our new stickers.  Yellow = Ko Samui, pink = Ko Phang Nan so we were in the pink crowd.  Nice mix in the battery hen farm.  Eventually the boat left around 5pm ish and we were off.  The first part to Ko Samui was harmless enough in the rust bucket from hell.  We had agreed to book into a resort place at the cattle processing plant, because they gave free transfers and it was cheap.  They even showed us some amazing episodes of the TV program Supernatural.  Seemed a bit shit.  With no sound we could still predict everything that would happen next and there just seemed to be lots of amusingly homoerotic staring between the two guys.  Then between Ko Samui and Ko Phang Nan something changed.  Sadly for us it wasn't the tv entertainment, but really choppy waves.  The rust bucket was pitching and rolling around like a drunk on a binge.  Cannelle asked if it was ok.  I wasn't really sure as I'd only taken big ferries on the sea before and they are usually quite stable.  Maybe we should have flown.  It was looking a bit dicey for a while, but eventually it stabilised and we made it to the island.  Too late for the full moon party and we were going to leave on the day of the half moon party.  No partying for us.  We arrived and were greeted by our 'taxi'.  We needed a cash machine after our travails of the previous day.  There were a load of women dancing in the bank.  Not sure what was going on.  Maybe Halifax were recording a new video.  We got to the hotel and it wasn't as good as the brochures, but good enough.  We had another medium sized spider in the bathroom, so Cannelle asked the staff to kill it.  They came in and broomed it to death before falling into the shower handle and dousing themselves in cold water.  Quite funny.  We went for a walk at night as Cannelle was still getting homesick now and again.  We found an American bar and went there to play some pool and get some home comforts.  Walking back past the rows of prostitutes one of them pinched my arse.  Evidently believing we'd be up for a threesome they were left disappointed.

In the morning I woke up, switched on the tv and watched both Joe Biden and Barrack Obama make their pitches to the electorate.  I thought it was pretty effective and obviously helped with the bounce in the polls.  We went to a French restaurant for breakfast and then decided to walk across the island.  No mean feat, but we got cracking.  Would you like a taxi?  Would you like a taxi?  Would you like a taxi?  Taxi?  Where you going?  Taxi?  Would you like a taxi?  Taxi?  Where you going?  Just figured I'd give you our morning conversation and give you a feel for the wondrous way people can still ask if you need a lift having literally just watched you say no 15 times.  I will never lose my hatred for taxi drivers and they will never lose their odious personalities.  God I hate them.  We hiked to the waterfalls first or the falls as they should be called due to the distinct lack of water.  The falls were ok, a nice hike up to a viewpoint.  Had to struggle for the English there as I still want to call them miradors.  The view was cool.  Very green across the island.  We went back down and set off for the Chinese temple.  Think we missed it.  Got molested by an angry dog.  Cannelle got to see the face them and they lose their bottle technique up front.  That was proved not to be foolproof yesterday,  but I will get back to that.  We stumbled onto the other side of the island.  The beaches were better on this side and the first that Cannelle said were close to her idea of paradise.  Walking past elephants like they were horses was still taking a little getting used to.  We found a cool little Dutch bar and got a real cheese sandwich.  Finally some real cheese.  Really nice place.  Then we decided to walk round the west of the island, while my groin degenerated into crotch rot.  My injuries continued.  This was getting ridiculous.  We had to get a taxi and the first quoted us 300 Baht.  Bugger it.  We would just have rented the scooter if we had known.  It only costs 3 quid a day.  The second told Cannelle 150.  Cool.  Half price.  He drove us all the way back and then said that it was 150 each.  I said his boss had said 150 and not each.  We back and forthed and I think both of us were honest in our negotiations so we settled on 200.  Fuckers.  We headed back to the French place for a steak dinner to spend the money her friend James had given us.  There were some Spanish speakers in the bar.  Four guys chatting and their obviously bored female companion.  It was a good dinner.  We had some dickhead English in our hotel, but that was normal for the islands.  Onwards to Ko Tao and Cannelle was getting super stressed for the diving course.

We got up, grabbed some breakfast in an eco hippy bakery with free internet.  Got hassled for a taxi again.  I don't think they believe white people can walk.  While waiting for the catamaran (bigger boat this time) we were met by someone from Big Blue Diving.  We had planned to go there anyway, but why let that ruin a free ride.  We arrived and signed up to our course for 180 quid each, but we got free accommodation.  It was a shitty oven temperatured fan room, but it was free and the bathroom came without spiders or hot water.  We had come with a German couple who signed up as well.  In the video room we met an Ecuadorean guy, who now lived in Germany and 5 English guys and girl.  We watched some shitty videos and Luke the instructor persuaded all of us to take the SSI open water qualification as it was cheaper and the videos were shorter.  Having watched the first 3 videos I was glad we opted for the shorter ones.  We were given a manual to study and homework on three chapters for the first night.  Luke seemed really nice and we were told we would be in two groups of 5 and that the other instructor was stricter.  Cannelle really wanted Luke.  We went to a shitty Mexican that seemed a combination of every food type except Mexican.  We did our homework in the rain.  Seemed pointless as it was gap fill sentences that we had to read in the book and complete.  Although that may work as a lesson to be fair for practicing scan reading.  My card was blocked so that we could not pay for the course.  Fuck sake.  I rang them angrily.  Surely they were used to me travelling by now.  They said that cheques had been deposited in my account after I had withdrawn from Thailand so how could I be in two places at once.  How indeed.  Good question.  Maybe someone put them in for me.  Or maybe I sent someone to Thailand to withdraw money and throw them.  Maybe.  Well it was a reasonable excuse I suppose.  We went to a chillout bar on the waterfront and kicked back.  This was a nice island.  Not much to do except dive, but the vibe was much better than Ko Phang Nan.

Up early.  Woohoo.  Shit.  That sums up the conflicting emotions we felt for the course.  Could we hack it.  Would Cannelle or I be proved right.  She said that you know what you can't and won't be able to do before yoy do it.  I always argue you should try it first and see how it goes as you only expand your comfort zone by first stepping outside it.  The Ecuadorean hadn't done his homework.  We were in a group with him and the Germans.  The English were together and with Luke.  We got Steve and he was definitely tougher.  We were also to start with swimming pool training (I had finally bought some new ones the night before) and didn't have any sun cream so naturally I burnt badly on my shoulders.  Nico (Ecuadorean) started badly by putting his BC (inflatable life jacket thing) on backwards to the tank.  Heinrich (German guy) had buoyancy issues and kept floating around the swimming pool.  We had to tread water for 10 minutes to prove that we could swim to start with.  That was ok enough.  Then we got equipment and learnt how to set it up.  Not too bad.  I won't bore you with the details, but this bit was simple enough.  Then we were in the pool to learn skills.  We had to learn to breathe using the respirator, we had to fill our masks with water and learn how to clear them, remove them and put them on again.  We had to throw our respirator away and find it again (Tough at first).  I ran out of breath finding it by the shoulder method.  I prefer the sweep.  Lastly in the shallow end we had to do a rescue, but I gave Cannelle my spare respirator and she took off her mask, which didn't really work.  Then we got our fins to swim.  I had the only size 48 in the dive centre.  Fucking big feet hurt me everywhere.  Heinrich and I were still too light from our weight belts so had to get extra weights.  When we turned around everyone was swimming in circles.  We joined them as we swam craply around.  He was stern with us.  Kick like a freestyle swimmer, fold our arms and don't use them.  He was harsh on any questions asked as well.  Heinrich could not equalise his ears (for pressure) and abandoned it halfway through.  So we were four already.  We had to levitate in the pool.  Then on the rescue we had to take someone to the surface (I did Martina the German) and she forgot to manually inflate her BC.  This meant I almost drowned her trying to keep her up, floated into the shallow end, she was not inflating and it was a big fuck up.  Oh well.  Then on jumping on the BC I was as graceful as an elephant and seemed to be wrestling with a crocodile until eventually I got on top of it.  We completed the course and it was ok.  Only Nico felt confident.  Martina was ok.  I had pressure pains in the pool and we would need ear medication to make the sea dives.  I was worried about my ears.  Cannelle was terrified and hated me.  She wanted to quit.  She told our instructor as we watched the other videos in the afternoon.  He just said she'd be fine.  He was not a people person.  Luke told her that it was much easier in the sea than the swimming pool.  Heinrich had decided to go back the next morning for extra training to complete what he had missed.  We were all spooked.  We went to the pizza place.  It was crap.  Unlimited pizza but one person serving a whole restaurant one slice at a time.  Bit of a con.  We went to the beach and did the second homework.  There we heard some dive stories, where one woman said she had come up 30m in one go (risk of the bends).  You learn all this on the course, but every conversation on Ko Tao revolves around diving.  We chatted with Nico and it was one night before the big one.  Cannelle was super stressed, but I told her she should at least make it to the sea.

We were up early again and in for the final studying before the exam.  D-day.  We had a muesli breakfast.  We studied and did the exam together.  We got 48 as we thought face pressure was a sinus problem not a mask one and that that recreational diving limit was 45m rather than 30m.  The others would have got 100% if I hadn't persuaded them to go with me.  I figured mask was too obvious and that if advanced divers could go to 30m, there must be something below that.  No need to second guess this exam.  It really was that easy.  Heinrich and Cannelle were panicking.  In a way they both felt better that the other was equally spooked.  I still had sunburnt shoulders and couldn't cover for the dive so I would burn again.  We set off to dive and then had to change as the captain announced the King had taken our dive site.  I assumed this was the top dog dive school, but after a while we realised that it was the literal King of Thailand.  He had decided to take his daughter diving.  Well if an old man could do it, it should be fine.  Heinrich and I took the ear tablets.  No risks.  I told Cannelle it would be fine, but I was secretly a little worried.  This was real now.  Loads of people on our boat.  We set up the equipment.  So far so good, except I turned Cannelle's air off.  Maybe I was not a great 'buddy' (dive companion).  There is a lot of jargon in this sport.  We were going to descend down the rope.  Sounded ok and then we had to jump of the boat.  Shit.  Ok.  Here it goes.  Jump, splash, float.  Hmm so far, so good.  We went down the rope hand over hand, equalising as we went.  We got to 5m at the bottom and had to wait.  We knelt down in a line and waited for Heinrich... and waited for around 10 minutes.  Bugger.  Was he ok?  I started to get cramp.  Shit.  I needed to stand up.  I floated up to straighten and Cannelle tried to pull me down.  She thought I had lost my buoyancy.  You can't communicate down there.  Cramp sorted and Heinrich down we were off and swimming around.  It is easier down there.  We didn't see much on the first dive, but we were fine.  I was out of oxygen the fastest as the biggest people always are so we came up.  Everyone was happy.  We had some biscuits and then we were all eager for the second dive.  This was better.  I started to move up and down just by breathing and not by using the BC.  I stayed right on the shoulder of the instructor except once when I lost buoyancy and started floating up/  Had to use the vent to come down again.  You also start to equalise naturally just by swallowing.  We saw a stingray, a porcupine fish and some white fish defending their babies in a hole.  I thought the porcupine fish was the one that puffs up and it was.  We had to do the half mask fill with water, the throw away the respirator (scary at depth) and the rescue.  All went well.  You could see we were improving.  When we came up I snorkelled around and started sneezing.  Heinrich's mask filled with blood from his nose.  He was still having breathing problems.  Martina had taken the wrong kit bag at the start of the day so that had also delayed our start.  We were all feeling much better now.  Steve had been really tough on us before, but he had really trained us and you could see we were well drilled.  Still we had one day to go.  We decided to go out to a restaurant to celebrate as the Germans were leaving straight after the last day.  The Germans took us to an awesome restaurant and I had barracuda for the first time.  We were spending a bit on food here, but we had the accommodation for free.  Steve had told us about a diver who had got nitrogen narcossis.  A common problem at depth of being drunk on nitrogen and he had tried to give his spare respirator to a fish as he thought it was out of oxygen.  One day to go.

I woke up in the night with really bad neck pain.  Dammit.  I needed to be well to dive.  I woke up again and couldn't turn right easily.  I had to put deep heat on it and take some ibuprofen.  We were up at 6am for the final dives.  They took us away from the island for the third dive and Cannelle was uneasy.  They said we may see sharks etc.  The new day brought back the old anxieties.  Its always the second dive that's easiest.  This time we went down the rope again and again had to wait for Heinrich.  I followed Steve all through the course and through the cracks, but didn't have control, crashing into the rock face while trying to go round it, pushing off with my hand and being stung by a sea urchin.  It stung and I had blue marks all over 3 fingers.  I thought that wasn't good, but would wait to see him when we came up.  I had also whacked my calf on the boat doing the reverse roll entry, but didn't realise until later.  I forgot to mention that we were being followed by a video guy for this dive.  Super cheesy.  As none of us were going to buy it, none of us cared.  On the fourth dive we went down for the final skills.  We were all confident of passing now and still moving really well.  Heinrich went down by rope with Martina, but the other three we swam down to the base.  I got down and turned around and couldn't see anyone.  Eventually I saw that they were just above me.  Our third dive had gone to 18m, but Nico and I had accidentally gone to 20m.  You don't notice going up or down really and one depth feels much like another.  We did the full mask off and on again.  Cannelle panicked on this, started to float, but got it under control.  We then did the levitation.  It meant she was not super confident for the rest of the dive, but we had passed.  Heinrich surfaced with a mask full of blood again.  We had passed the course and Cannelle had enjoyed it, so she would dive again.  So I was right lol.  We all felt a little tired when we got back to land.  We had done it.  The English guys had also all passed.  They had seemed so much more confident than us all the way through the course.  We walked across the island to play the mini golf.  Always a mini golf.  It was a difficult and quite cool course with holes themed around a giant castle, golden gate bridge and stonehenge.  After the golf we came back and met up with Nico.  We had gone to the local noodle man for lunch and for dinner Nico was going to take us to his favourite local restaurant, but first the video.  We arrived and watched the other group first.  They seemed not too bad.  Then we watched ours.  The other group, who had been so confident, told us that we looked better prepared and under more control.  I think they had had the nicer instructor, but maybe we were better trained from ours.  The video was cool, but we didn't have money to buy it.  We chatted with our videographer for a while before going to dinner.  On the way back we bumped into the English guys in a bar and stayed with them.  We played a lot of connect 4, with me beating the champion.  Then Nico and I played two of the English guys at pool.  We got whooped, but were somehow winning 2-0.  in the end quality triumphed over our luck and we lost 3-2.  It was pool with a snooker cue however and I can't play with a snooker cue for toffee.  Meanwhile Cannelle was being chatted up by a dive instructor who didn't know she was married and some battered Dutch girls were hitting on the English guys.  We ended up going to sleep late and we had had a great time in Ko Tao.  We were both also now qualified divers.