Chile Part 4: Talca, Santiago and Concepcion

Ok I tidied up the last entry to include the remainder of Santiago. You can take a read if you were curious as to what you missed. I took a train down to Talca. I so much prefer trains. I think I am always going to travel in them as opposed to buses. There was the first bit of rain I had seen since Bolivia, where coincidentally I rarely saw the sun. Also I realised I had developed a fear of small towns at night after having my nose smashed. Though in Pucon and here in Valdivia the fear has been drastically reduced, so I will put it down to post-traumatic nose disorder. I am tired, but writing this to MSTRKRFT so that helps. Really want to see them again, but don't think they are heading down here anytime soon. I met a couple of very uncommunicative Germans and stayed in a pretty cool hostel. Can't remember the name, but one of the best I have stayed in. Not expensive for here and you got cable tv, breakfast, excellent service and the owner is really interesting as well.



I got up really early, having bought a load of stuff from the supermarket and headed off into the National Park Altos de Lircay. I think thats spelt slightly wrong. I wanted to see Siete Tazas as well, but it was not looking like that would be possible. I took the bus there and slept all of the way. At the other end I met a German dude and we decided to hike the park together. Only he was going to try to hike from one park to the other in 4 days and I was going to hike with him to the mirador and walk about a little bit. Almost the same. Ah I have just reentered this blog. Last time I was writing in in the pleasant surroundings of Valdivia and now I am writing in the total shithole that is Rio Gallegos. On the plus side my new phone has a radio, so I get to listen to some good and sometimes dodgy music. Ah radio. Ah so where was I. Ah yeah hiking in the park. We hiked up through the ridges and the park looked like those in the Rockies in the States. Multicoloured. After being bored by the green and brown monotonous scenery of the Andean countries, it was nice to be back in a place with reds, oranges and yellows as well. A real mix of different colour schemes and styles. Very pretty. The path wound through the the campsite at the end. Number six. There I dropped my tent and went hiking with the German to the mirador. It had great sweeping views of the valley and the walk down would be a steep one. I opted out. Could not be arsed to walk back up the hill afterwards and you could see most of it from here. Ah I have crappy Argentine news in my ear about corrupt Rio Gallegos governors. At least its not adverts. Yeah 'I get fire from your tongue' seems some random group. Need to change channel. I opted to go back and hike up to the basalt or granite plateau. There I met a group of Chilean girls and chilled there looking at the sweep over the valley. The German and I had been farting around with topographical maps to work out which mountain was which. We weren't the best at it. Hope he made it back after camping up in the snow. From there I hiked across the top of the plateau to a beautiful lake, which included some hiking in snow (which was cold due to the holes in my shoes) and met some starving Chileans. I gave them a packet of crisps when I passed them again on the way back. Hiking through all these parts had taken the Germans 3 days. Took me less than one. I really think these lazy bastard hikers are not pushing themselves as much as they could do. I ran down the hill as I love running downhill parts of hikes. Takes less energy and a lot less time as you are just running with the gravity. My nose was starting to return to an appearance normal at this point. I rebroke my little left toe by kicking a rock on the way back and then just turfed in early into my tent.

The next day I was up with the sun. Well almost up with the sun. I decided to hike back out of the park as I had seen everything worth seeing and I had tested the tent. It was seemingly working fine. My stomach problem had maybe been from unfitness, as after hiking and my nose was broken it seems to function fine. I got out of the park and just missed a bus, so I had to sit there eating stale bread for an hour or so waiting for the bus. Eventually I got back to Talca and found out the Brazilian would get to Santiago the next day so I should head back. I did not do much. Just watched a lot of CSI, did my laundry and watched Liverpool get knocked out of the FA Cup. Hahahahah. Better for us. Fucking scousers. Torres, Benayoun and Gerrard got injured as well. Excellent as we would play a weakened Liverpool next week.

In the morning I got up early and got chatting with an Israeli guy who had been hiking around the middle of Chile. In the afternoon I took a bus back to Santiago to meet Marcela. I wanted to see Alex (the Colombian from, Manizales) as well but it depended on her. The hostel cost me $20 in Santiago. Damn this country. Too expensive. I met Marcela and we chatted before heading to meet Alex at his Colombian restaurant. She was tired and went back, so Alex and I went and chatted in a cafe until around 4am. Was good to catch up. Both me and Marcela realised early on that we both have strong, differing personalities and we were bound to end up clashing at some point.

In the morning I got up and met a girl from Sao Paolo. Very cute. We chatted for half an hour or so and then Marcela joined us. We went to Alex's house to have breakfast and bought a load of stuff from the supermarkets. They are not cheap in Chile. There is almost no point cooking. If you eat out it will cost you around the same amount of money, more or less. We had breakfast and then the other two went in the rooftop swimming pool. I did not have any clothes for it so had to stay on the side. Then I went and got a long overdue haircut, while the others went siteseeing. I cooked up a rather flat dinner. Always disappointing when you cook for some people for the first time and its a bit crap, as they will assume that is your level of cooking ability. Oh well. We went past a weird church that looked like it was constructed in four different time periods and then molded together. I still don't know why people bash Santiago so much. Its clearly a good city and one of three I would consider living in for a short period of time in Chile. We took a night bus to Concepcion and did not end up sleeping at all. Was a strange bus ride. Oh well. I was hoping Concepcion would be the only other expensive place in Chile that we stayed, but that was optimistic.

We arrived at 5am and the hotel would not let us check in until 7am. Shitty. We were both tired. Neither of us had really slept in the last few nights. There seemed a bit of game playing so I just went to sleep. Marcela went and chatted with the hotel owners and their son, who ended up hanging around with us a fair bit. Spurs and Liverpool both drew, while Man City lost. The Saints crushed the Cardinals. Excellent. They were in the NFC title match against the Vikings. Was going to be a good matchup the weekend afterwards. We walked around the town and saw a really cool little art gallery. Had a good mural painting that was very similar to the work od Diego Rivera. We then went to the local musuem, which was focusing on Mapuche history. Marcela did not fancy climbing the hill, so I set off to get a view of the city from the higher places. I always like to get the high point views. Its not a very pretty city. The rest of the city was shut down as the elections were the next day and they did not want any drunken voting.

The next day we were up and had some fun before breakfast, but it was pretty obvious we did not have great chemistry. This had been clear to both us really. Oh well. Onwards with the trip. Gloria needed a bit of help, so would give her a ring on skype. We went out to see the beaches of Concepcion. They were a bit rubbish strewn and just a bit rubbish in general. Water was still too cold. It was interesting to wander around some of the suburbs of the city though. Chilean small towns all possess a lot of multicoloured architecture. Very pretty. We even found a hobo lying in a tyre on the beach. Made for a fun photo for Marcela. The son had made us both perosnalised letters for when we left, which was a nice touch and then we took a bus to Temulco. Its a bit of an industrial shithole and the direction giving was so bad that we ended up wandering around for a while before we eventually found a bus to Pucon and we were heading to the Chilean version of Bariloche.

Chile Part 3: Santiago, La Serena and Vicuna

Hmm the blood seems to have stopped flowing. Well if not stopped, certainly reduced to mean this is the first bit of cotton wood shoved up my nose that has not gone red within one hour. I have high hopes I won't have to shove more cotton wool up my nose tomorrow and I can start to rehabilitate myself normally. In a continent as vanity obsessed as Latin America its never very flattering to walk around looking like you have been a contender for the heavyweight boxing title. People are so abhorred they won't even say thankyou when you hold open a door. Classy.

I was woken up by my landlady to leave the apartment in Santiago. I hate travelling without any form of alarm, but I am not going to buy yet another telephone until I get to Argentina as there I should get at least one year's usage out of it. I am also now travelling without a guidebook. To be fair to Lonely Planet I only used them for maps and bus times now and I can get them from tourist information and my Spanish is more than capable enough to take care of directions etc. Damn the bandage thing is wet, but it looks white from my angle so its not blood. Hoorah. Lucciana was not free until the evening, so I decided to head to the museums. I climbed up Cerro Santa Lucia, which has a cool castle at the top and a pleasant Japanese garden. I then went and took the cable car up the massive hill on the north side of thr river. Its in a multicoloured barrio that is funky in and of itself. I only wanted one way, but did not see the option for that (it exists) and bought a two way. It climbed to the top and the hill is kind of like Montserrate in Bogota, but you can see the smog cloud from the top. That's a shame. Its nowehere near as bad as LA's piss yellow cloud that hangs over the city, but I won't use this part to savage Los Angeles again. Its too shit to warrant it. Liverpool-Spurs got called off by the way due to a frozen pitch, but Lennon should be back for the next match. Arsenal drew and Man U are as well. At the top there is not much to see, but the view is good, except for the cloud. I opted to walk down and went down a path from the carpark. Seemed to go all the way down but did not. You cross a major path two thirds of the way down. Take a right there, because the down path goes straight to a fence. Shit. Its no fun hiking back up in the summer sun. I also had not brought water, but I was listening to some good African music and Michael Jackson. That main path runs past the second station and eventually leads to a way down. I think it took me two hours to get down, but the walk was quite pretty. At the bottom I gave the other ticket to some random couple and headed to the Art museum, which was shut on mondays. Great. Phoned around the family as it was my birthday and this was the day I fixed stuff up with the bank. Lucciana had her phone on silent from the conference she had been in and so missed my calls. I eventually made it there and they very generously took me out to a top class sushi place for dinner. They insisted on paying for my birthday as well. The company was good and the food was fucking top class. I had forgotten what good food tastes like. I have not maintained those standards since, it is fair to say. We talked all night and had monster cakes at another place. I don't have much money left, but I symbolically bought the drinks later to contribute something. It was a shame we had only got the one night together, but hopefully they will come and visit in Buenos Aires and I can repay the favour.

The next day I slept in a bit and then we got breakfast. We said goodbye and I headed to the art gallery, which was a collosal waste of time. One of the most disapponting art galleries I have been to. Normally they at least have one good thing and I had delayed leaving for this. In the end I took the metro (which is a way better system than the Economist seems to think it is) to the bus station and got a bus to La Serena. It took about 8 hours and arrived around 2.30am in the terminal, so I decided to sleep there for the rest of the night and then look for accomodation.

I did not think La Serena would be too busy, but I had forgotten that people would have to have left Valparaiso for somewhere after new year. Every hostel appeared to be full. Shit. Eventually after a lot of walking with the fucked up bag I found a hostel with space. I checked in and wondered around the town. Probably the least pretty of those I have been in so far, pretty small aswell, but nice enough. Least pretty in Chile that is. I came back to the hostel and in the kitchen were Mayra and Scott. Scott shouted over to me. This would be awkward after how it was left in Valparaiso. Scott was off for a run and Mayra said I should keep her company. Hmm a turnaround. We ended up walking down the beach and ahd coffee and shrimp/cheese empanadas in a cafe. Got the lunch eventually. We had a long chat on many things, mostly in Spanish as she has to use English all day normally. She thought I was staying in Vina and had never e-mailed her. I reminded her of her last comments and that I had e-mailed her. Oh well she did not remember too well. Maybe the blog might jump her memory. It was a lot more pleasant and less stressful time. We went back so she could do some washing and I walked to the beach for sunset, before heading out to see Ofelia as they did not want to join me. I told them to wake me the next day and went out. Met her at the gallery and ended up drinking with her cousin and his friends. Barmaids find it odd that I want a coke in a bar. Will be weirder back in England but I have dealt with it before. I promised them to go partying this weekend, but obviously that won't be happening now. Elephent men don't dance.

In the morning I woke up and noone had woken me. Hmm I figured they were just off, but have no concept of time. I always get the feeling they are looking to escape, but somehow we always bump into each other. At least Mayra seemed more relaxed in my company now. Testing the paper for blood with paper. Hmm yellowy. Much better than red anyway. I got breakfast and met Scott as Mayra must have gone to write her note while I was in the bathroom. Found it later. Anyway they left and I pottered around La Serena a while. All these chain of events led to me breaking my nose. When I eventually got a bus to La Serena it arrived too late to find accomodation. The drive on the way there is nice and I reckon the rest of the valley might be interesting. Never got to see it. They have a reservoir part way there that reminded me of the Hoover Dam area. Anyway. Nowhere to stay accept one place with no lock. With hindsight I should have taken it, but I dropped my luggage in the terminal equipaje and went off to book a tour for the observatory. Apparently you need to book a long time in advance. I don't think so somehow. I opted for the tour in Spanish as it looked more interesting (though I reckon they may be the same) at 12.30am and left. Bumped into Mayra and Scott again and chatted for a bit. They had been on a pisco tour they said was not that great. I did not go for obvious reasons. They also have horse rides under the stars somewhere here. It felt like I was stalking them, but I left to hike up the big jesus hill, which is kind of cool and probably the last time I will hear my mp3 player (though now with hindsight I am not c ertain I used it then). The little bag had stayed with me and I bumped into Mayra again in an internet cafe when we randomly got the two computers next to each other. Some sort of fate is going on here. Will have to catch up in Mendoza or Buenos Aires and probably will do by accident or design. I killed time online and got chatting with Marie-France online. Looks like she may come down to stay with me in april. Will be good as its been too long since I saw her. Eventually I went in search of a toilet. All the restaurants apparently did not have any. I was needing it badly now. They had shut the toilet in the terminal. Shit. Getting desperate. Ah excellent a dark alley. Damn it, the dark alley is guarded by an army of dogs. Shit. Eventually I just pissed on a house as I could not hold it any more. Relief all round. I took the tour and I believe I was the only non native speaker , but I understood around 90-95%. Some of the jokes flew by me. We got an interesting 40 minute presentation and then went up on the roof to look at various constellations through a telescope. The sky is unbelievably clear here and I had never seen stars like this, except maybe when Ollie and me camped in Mexican Hat. Though the telescope was disappointing. It showed stuff closer, but nowhere as awesome as those shots you get in space books. They just seemed like white dots more zoomed in. Oh well. Some of them were orange. That was better. Then we got some live music. Well it seemed like I was in Peru for a second. A band popped up and played two songs on pan pipes (one the simon and garfunkel one in a different style) and then plugged their cd. What a shameless sell. Anyway back to Vicuna (which has only 24,000 people so I still stand by my statement that towns are more dangerous than cities if you read what follows. Only other place I have been attacked in was my hometown of Watford with 80,000 people). In towns live the retards. Decent people live in cities or the countryside. Ok so I stopped off in the plaza to rest/sleep, when a gang of 6 hooded kids came in. Hmm. Was I in Watford. Two peeled off left and the other four went to the nightclub. This did not feel right as one of them had sized me up. I can tell when people do this from experience. I could see two of them and a dog come back into the park afterwards. I left the other way and figured they would follow me. They did. I walked fast, so did they. Ok now I know they want to rob me. I ran and so did they. Here is where I was a bit stupid. I clearly had them outgunned for pace (though not their dog) and I could have run into the nightclub, but was not thinking. Does not bode well for my decision making under pressure. That line will come back to haunt me if I ever run for prime minister and I can imagine justifying that in the future. Anyway, with those two options I ran a few blogs and then turned to face them. Stupid move. One of them had a metal rod (like a giant aerial) and whipped me with that. Then I managed to knock one over, but my attempt to bang the second guys head into the wall failed as I just banged my own head. Then they had me down and got some good kicks in. One broke my nose and the scattering of blood persuaded me that I was going to lose or had lost this one. I gave them the bag and they took my wallet thing. Dripping blood on the street, I asked them for my passport and they gave it to me. Excellent. So I asked for my bank cards and they gave me them as well. Excellent. Now considering those were the only two things worth losing I should have just negotiated. Everything else I have is a load of shit. Still I was bleeding a lot now. My money (40,000 pesos or 50 quid) was all with the cards, so the stupid fucks forgot to check that. Excellent. They got around 1,000 pesos and a bag full of books. Yep my bag was full of books for teaching English mainly. It also had a decrepid lonely planet, a dictionary and a Garcia Marquez novel. I am sure that's what they had in mind when they stole it. Oh it also had the diary, hence why I have to write this now while it is fresh. Good job I keep this online record for my adventures now that the hard copy is gone. Anyway next time they rob someone they should be able to do it in English. I told this to the medics and they thought it was funny, but that I was weird for making jokes after being beaten up. I had told Mayra the English take nothing seriously except sport. Anyway I was dripping blood and no idea how bad any injuries were. Did not have any real pain though, but my threshold is pretty high. I have been stitched without anaesthetic. Knocked on a door of a hostel and they would not help me, even dripping with blood. They are on Mistral street just opposite the Mamalluca tour office if anyone wants to know or even firebomb them for me. I staggered back to the club and a big group of Chileans were helping me. They thought my nose was broken. I did not as it did not hurt. Went to the club and washed my face. Then I woke up on the bathroom floor. Hmm I don't feel drunk. Where the fuck am I? Ah yeah I have been beaten up and I have just passed out and whacked my head on a urinal. Bit of a bump there. Disorientated is the right word. Only the second time I have passed out and was hoping it was from blood loss and not a kick in the head. Then the police arrived. I kept trying to buy water but they did not sell me any. They took me to the hospital and the doctors seemed bewildered by my statement that nothing serious was taken, I wasn't staying anywhere and I was on my own. In the end they x-rayed me and it all looked ok enough. I have the cd. Should be fun to view later on. Just a little crushed on the upper right side but I could breath still. I took it to mean it was only lightly fractured. Good test of my Spanish this incident though. All the doctors love the Premiership, one of the nurses was excited to have a foreigner, though the doctors assured me they had had a lot of foreigners in their hospital. I took that as a sign this town is a little dangerous. Meanwhile I am sure the thieves were getting to grips with present simple and will soon master 'give me your money.' Bengals v Jets has kicked off in the wildcard round. No idea who will win, but I bet the Chargers or Colts won't be scared of whichever shit team gets through. They said I need to see a specialist, but they cost a lot. I think it is Latin vanity as they can't stand anything not looking great. My dad however said if I can breath don't bother as the operation is horrible and he's broken his 4 times but you could not really tell. I am not a nose model so I think I will let it heal natural. Still yellow, not red. Woohoo. Maybe the last day with a plugged nose. They kept me in for observation. Excellent news. I got a place to sleep for free. All the medical stuff is free here. Class. They put me in a room with a young guy with one of those bags filled with water and a coughing old man. Hmm you can tell I have never spent much time in hospitals. First break in my life and first time I had slept in one. Hmm they take ages to let me go in the morning. I assumed the blood from one nose, meant a rupture and no internal bleeding. Still not dead, so I guess that holds. If I do die publish the blog as it stands as my last will and testament. Ok so I left and got to baggage woman. I apologised for being late, but she said I did not have to pay because my face was beat up. Excellent news. Another bonus.

I took a bus back to La Serena where I am now. Have not done much as I lost a fair whack of blood. Slept for 14 hours or so. The woman in the hostel said the kids must be from Santiaho and gave me a huge bit of watermelon. Every Chilean seems ashamed I got whooped in their country, so they are all very eager to do anything they can for me. I still prefer to do my own stuff though. Slept for a long long time after writing yesterday. Jhon informs me that someone rang him to say they have my bag and diary. Oh well. None of it is important enough to go back for and I don't fancy another kicking or visiting Vicuna again. One good thing about Chile is that stuff that's very expensive in other countries is just ok here, so you don't feel so guilty spènding money. Off to a book store in a bit to pick up some stuff. So today I stayed a long time in the hospital, because they forgot to put my details in the computer screen. A cute nurse fixed up my nose with more delacacy than the doctor in Vicuna. I am sure he pushed the cotton into my brain. She just walked in the internet place now actually. Ironies. Many ironies. Anyway I don't think much else will happen here. Maybe I will go and watch a shit film. I have considered contacting some people here to hang out with, but may just leave it as rest is probably a more sensible option. Oh well. At least I caught up with my diary. Sure some good, small things escaped like in the US, but should have covered the most of it. If the blood stops, I am off south.

Ok I figured I would update this. Managed to get back to the hostel afterwards and all of the Chilleans were so embarassed that one of their countrymen had broken my nose that they cooked a giant asado and invited me to join them. Second lot of really good food in a week. Was interesting to practice my Spanish in that environment. Just figured I would update that as the next day I took a bus to Santiago and stayed in a sex hotel just near the terminal. The woman on the door did not want to let me in because I looked dodgy with my broken nose. The blood had at least stopped by this point. You know you are in trouble when even a sex hotel won't let you stay with them. Remarkable how soon you forget something like that as well. Its been 2 weeks since I broke my nose and sometimes I forget it was broken. It seems to have healed looking almost like new, with only a mild deviation and noone I meet even mentions it as the eyes have stopped being purple lol. Anyway the sex hotel had a music player on the bed. I assume to set the mood. It had good taste in music as well, as there was only one channel, but it got cut off at midnight which was a shame. A Brazilian girl Marcela had contacted me to go travelling with her. I wrote that I hoped she did not bring drama lol. Will get to that. The next day I spent $72 for Lonely Planet Chile. Probably the most I have ever spent on a book and got a sleeping bag and a tent for a lot less. I decided to head south to road test this equipment and see if it would be up to the challenge of Patagonia or whether it would fold at the first challenge, like the Walmart equipment in Yellowstone. Damn, so long ago lol.

Chile Part 2: Santiago, Vaparaiso and Vina Del Mar

Ok I am sitting here bleeding from my broken nose and aware that my diary was stolen from me. This makes it an urgent necessity (are there any others) that I get this down while my momory is still fresh. Well relatively fresh. The main points should have stuck. Damn this keyboard is tough. I hate hard keyboards as I type too fast. The broken nose shit will be in the next part. Makes for a fun tale. Chile has been interesting good and bad in ways Bolivia could only dream of.



Ok I took a bus from Iquique and came to Antofagasta. There I stayed in the bus station, paid for a bus to Santiago and killed time chatting with an Argentine dude. Spanglish I believe it was. I am now very much speaking more Spanish than English in general and can only help my development even if all my dictionary and books are now missing. I am not bitter at all. Nope. Just like Wenger. Got the bus and took a second night bus in a row. Slept at least 14 our of the 17 hours and watched part of some film. Can't remember what it was. I don't think yo or I will lose sleep over that one. Although technically I did as I watched it. Eventually my marathon busathon brought me to Santiago. I had not bothered to look around Antofagasta as my main rucksack has broken. This means the metal rods stick out the top and break my back rather than supporting it. Its only got to last about 5-6 weeks more though and then I will be in Buenos Aires. The time has come to work. Rumour has it that this work thing happens to people who need money. That they make you do stuff and you lose your freedom. Sounds terrifying. Maybe I will kill it if I see it. I may even have come across it some time in my past.



I got into Santiago at about 7am. Breakfast and grab Lucciana's number off the internet. Of course if this was any other capital, but Chile does not believe life starts before 10am or so, so I was stranded in Barrio Brazil twiddling my thumbs. As places for this activity go, Santiago is not a bad one. Has a lot of places like London. Especially New York street (financial centre) which is a spit for Bank. I liked the city. Noone who lives there likes it. At least they don't beat you up for your bag, but then my current landlady reckons the little shits were from Santiago. Hmm its also the only capital city I can think of that is cheaper to buy stuff than any of the other parts of the country. Usually its the most expensive. I could live in this city. Eventually I met Lucciana and it was cool as it was almost two years since she had stayed with me in London. I was looking forward to this, but I was to be frustrated. I think the 29th and 30th december have been solely designed to piss me off. I fucking hate those dates. Anyway she had two Swedes staying with her and I think my opening line of Chile being much more cultural and better than Peru and Bolivia did not go down well with them. Ah damn it. Scandinavian, vegetarian, hippyistic (does this need another y? I think I invented it) socialists. I have always got on cracking with them. Also they had typical northern european cold personalities and I talk like talkie toaster in speed. This was not great. The atmosphere was a little awkward and we went out for drinks and food in the evening. Hmm. I kept trying to kick something into life, but I figured they had mae their judgment on me from the opening statement. My mouth is always going to walk me into problems. I have one of the most divisive personalities around. People either really like me or hate me. Chances are if you are reading this you like me as you have my facebook lol, but if it makes it into a book I am sure I will have facebook hate groups up in Ecuador at the very least. Scratch that. They will probably use the next entry as a template for kicking the shit out of me. Anyway I went to sleep and at some point in the night a powow was called with the others. The Swedes did not want to spend new year with me. Excellent. This left the plans in good fettle. Shit. This was the night of the 29th/30th. For those with long memories that was the same date that I lost my passport in Dominican Republic last year. I think for safety measures I will not go out next year on these dates. I still have hope that someone takes up the fatwa offer and kills these dates. Apparently a German friend told me that the Mayans did not have names for the last 5 days of the year and thought they were bad luck. Damn it. I knew I should not attack Guatemala so much. If I promise to say its the best country in the world, will the Mayan gods stop fucking me in the arse on these dates. I do love Tikal. Best ruins in the Americas and thats the honest truth.



Ok well being the mature man I have become and being diplomatic (about time) I said I would pull out and find something else and they should all go to Valparaiso together. In reality it made most sense, but that day walking in town I was feeling bitter, angry and a little upset as I come all the way to see Lucciana and can't see her because some Swedes can't find some middle ground. Dammit. Yeah lets whack on some Corrs. Been awhile. Maybe they can stop my nose leaking. I went to search accomodation for Valparaiso. Yep Valparaiso. The place lonely planet tells everyone to go. I am there on the 30th without accomodation. This was going to be fun. I found some for the 30th and the 1st in the same hostel. $20 for a night. They want $80 for new year. Fuck that. I can rumba all night and then limp back in at midday to check in for thefirst. Cunning eh. I even found a couchsurfer to drop my stuff for new years eve in Vina del Mar and they had a party on. Excellent. Problem solved, except for a bus. What's this? An e-mail from my dad. Nationwide want me to repay 900 pounds of my overdraft in 19 days. WTF. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Motherfuckers. I hate this date. They expect me to magic that out of my arse when I am not working. This was not resolved until 4 days later and hung over me for new year but I will take it on now to get it out of the way. The lazy shits took the whole weekend off. I phoned them and said why are you removing it. They said no money was being paid in. I informed them that no money had gone in for 18 months and they had no problem when they had 13,000 pounds of my savings but now it was overdrawn for 2 months they want the money back. I said they knew I was travelling for 18 months and there was one month left. They said it did not matter. I said ok lets set up a wind down payment. Yes I can do that but first I have to default, even though penalty interest is the same as legal. So basically al it does is fuck my credit rating and possibly damage my credit card limit (on which I am currently travelling). It was not possible for them to change it without default. That must be bollocks as I had the power to renegotiate facilities up to 10,000 pounds as a lowly grunt in corporate banking. Arseholes. I said if you fuck my credit rating why should I pay them. They said they would send debt collectors. I said to Argentina. Excellent. Their flights would be more than the debt and do they need a place to stay. They said I would have to pay when I come back. I said excellent. Thats in 10 years. Keep on waiting boys. That scared the shit out of him. Fun for me though. After playing brinksmanship I would have to phone again the next day to speak to collections or some other bunch of idiots. Then I rang all my family and my dad told me my uncle would cover it and I would have to pay him back as he thought it unfair it ws pulled on me with no warning. Excellent news. I was very grateful and also thinking maybe I should not have threatened the bank now that it will be paid. I hate nationwide sometimes but they are still cheap. Probably means I won't use them to bank with while working though as I don't trust them now. The bastards may steal my money out from under me by adjusting limits.



Anyway enough of these two dates. Evil though they are. I went off to the national history museum. Only I didn't, because I had read the map wrong and I ended up at the natural history museum. I just used their toilet and left. I have seen these museums before and the plastic whale was not a good start. Nice grounds though. Eventually I went for a wander through town and found the national history museum. Nice enough place. I could not be bothered with the pre-Colombian one. The art is always crappy and too religious. I still agree with Mark Twain on that. I wanted to search out stuff on the War of the Pacific. I expected a whole room, but on the first pass missed the whole one photo they have on the war. Way to belittle Peru and Bolivia, but then maybe they are just not very proud of it. I headed back. Ah yeah I had done my washing the day before and wandered all around Lucciana's apartment in just my shorts. Maybe that put off the Swedes. Grabbed my stuff and shot off to Valparaiso. I limped in late and found my hostel after a long walk. It is kind of Bohemian. I quite like there and Vina del Mar. Vina is probably the slightly cleaner cut of the two. It wa full of French and French Canadians so we were chatting in Spanish as normal. They were playing drinking games. I miss the camaraderie of those but its not the same if you are on coke. I taught them a few. They must have thought it weird that the guy who does not drink knew so many drinking games. I ended up talking philosophy an EU politics with a French dude until about 4.30am. Stupid for the 30th december but fun anyway. I love the intellectual edge to French culture and should be fun when I am living there eventually. Still we lost lot of sleep and I had to leave by midday.



I limped up in the morning and went and met a few couchsurfers to take a city tour. Our guide took us all over the city and we even took the famous 'elevators' (I reckon they are mini funiculars, but hey elevator is not a real word in England so make it what you want). There are a lot of multicoloured buildings, strange architecture and sweeping sea vistas. There was also a Brazilian and an American southerner. Excellent. Then we met some Spaniards and they have the same sense of weirdness as the French that an Englishman can speak Spanish. It happens. Will be good for when I am Prime Minister though as can address a few European countries in their own language. I think my Spanish is approaching Francois's French (in terms of speaking being way better than writing). Damn it can smell iron in my nose. I suppose at least its good that I can smell. I took the train to Vina (I don't care if its more expensive. Trains are better and you don't get them often). I am even thinking of going south from Santiago by train just because I can. That's why Chile is cool. I met the group of couchsurfers sortof. There was a big group of people standing around with rucksacks. I assumed it was them, but said nothing as they could be from the other bus. They thought I must be the odd Englishman but noone said anything for 10 minutes. Really awakward. Eventually an Italian doctor put us out of our misery and we all went to her place. The Chileans thought my accent and speed was funny, because I speak Spanish so fast. Then again I speak English fast and I think they have a weird accent. So we are even. There was an Argentine girl travelling with a Yank, the Italian, a German and 3 Chileans. Then we met a massive group of people and everyone got massacred. Ah yeah the Chilean girl has a phenomenal house in Vina and a giant white dog. He looks like a polar bear and I called him orso polar all the time. Then he tried to hump me. I think he could have had me if he really wanted. He was pretty big. Tease. We watched the fireworks down by the main square. Cool but did not have the big Chilean flag firework that had been rumoured. Ah I miss bits without the diary. Its like a jump cut. I remembered this stunning girl arriving and thinking who is she, then I realised it was the Argentine after she had changed. That ha to be the most drastic transofrmation I have seen. Very impressive without your home kit on the road. Everyone was plastered. Guido was being very Italian with the women, the Yankee Scott was so plastered he danced off somewhere on his own and lost his bag. The German scuttled off with one of the Chileans and we found them in bed together later. We had a huge 2m viking Dane with us. He was like a blonde lighthouse in the crowd. There was an Aussie who probably hooked up with the host. We lost them. Then Mayra was upset and crying as Scott was to look after her and this was the first time out of her country. She hated drunk people, but was a little drunk. This was a night of contradictions and wading through it sober is always fun. I promised to lok after Mayra and then she wanted to slap Scott in the face. I ended up looking after all the things as everyone else was battered. I got myself a Lenny Kravitz wig. That drew loads of attention. I got the number of a cute Chilean then lost it later on when I lost my phone. Shit. Everyone scattered and we ended up in a fucking salsa club. Mayra wanted to ring Argentina so we went looking for phones. Did not find one. Then she did not want to dance close, but was suddenly grinding me. Then we kissed and then she did not want to be treated like a slut, so I backed off and then she wa grinding me again. Then she was off somewhere else and the Chilean, Guido and Scott were dancing between us. Everytime we got close someone spun us away. It was like that scene from Grease (much as I hate that film to get a mention in my blog). Looks like I am still typing so I will go see Paranormal Activity. Or maybe I should just sleep. This was a demanding night. So much drama. Then Guido started groping the barmaids and when they resisted told them to fuck themselves so he was thrown out. He was back again soon after and dancing with Mayra, which rattled me a bit. Nevermind. We eventually left with more drama. We took a bus back and I suggested we get lunch the day after. Mayra said yes and then when we made it back and the Chilean broke into the house she went on a massive rant about not being touched and not wanting lunch etc. Ok. Enough. I had lost my phone again. I grabbed my bag, left and set off to hike the 8km back along the coast to Valparaiso with my mp3 player. I figured I would not see them again. The walk back was cool and I did the whole thing with my Kravitz wig. I kept that. Oh shit no I didn't as I think it was in the bag. Or maybe its not. Hmm will look into that. Anyway got loads of attention and it was class. Lots of fun. Took me ages I think and then eventually I got to the hostel and went in for free internet and to crash. Met a cool Chilean and a Colombian dude in the lobby and we chatted with a German girl. I should have slept, but instead went with them and two Dutch girls to the beach over in Vina Del Mar.



I am still no beach man and apparently the sea is so cold you freeze your nuts off. I did not experiment. Instead I spent 200 years attempting to buy some empanadas. Eventually when they did come they were very big. An empanada here would be a pastel in Colombia. Some dude talked to me a lot, but I understood nothing. Some of these Chilean accents are impossible. Lots of people are staring at my bashed up face lol. Maybe I will be more scary than the horror film tonight. Its possible. Good to catch this up while its fresh. Ok just as I wrote that the internet place shut and I had to change to finish this. Will wrap this tonight and write the other one tomorrow while buying a new notebook and pen and maybe a small bag, though not sure what for. Apparently someone rang my Colombian friend and told him they have my bag in Vicuna. Damn it. Think I won't bother going back but will mull over it. I hate having a mashed face in a pretty town. Did not go to the horror either. Would have been a waste of money. Ok. The Colombian, me and the Dutch girls went to get ice cream and coffee and then came back to the hostel and crashed completely exhausted.

The next day I don't have any memory of what I did. I think I went to sort out the bank on this day maybe. Spurs went through 4-0 against Peterborough in the cup. Man U were knocked out by Leeds and then we were drawn against Leeds in the fourth round. Thank God they knocked Man U out. It would have been the third year in a row we played them in the fourth round and they are the only team to have beaten us in a domestic cup in the last 3 years. Trouble is, they beat us in every cup. Maybe we might win the FA Cup this year. Liverpool game has been called off this week due to ice. Pussies. I slept all through the afternoon to recover and then we went out to a salsa club again. Not more fucking salsa. We had gone to the main club in town to see a famous Chilean band, but in the end the queue was huge. Ah I had got dinner with an Aussie guy and we were reminiscing over our relationships in Colombia and Brazil respectively and how good the last one was. The salsa club really bored me to tears after an hour, but I stayed until around 4am.

I was designing the bus tour at this point. I think when I get back to Europe in 2012 I will buy a bus, decorate and paint it and then take it on a massive tour across Europe and maybe parts of Africa as well. Should be fun. Have been recruiting. On the sunday I got the last ticket back to Santiago for the evening and then went and watched Zombieland. Quite a lot of fun. As fun as the trailer suggests it would be. Then I grabbed a bus that was delayed because someone or something threw a rock at the window and it shattered so some passengers had to change buses. We got in late and I ended up staying in some old shithole of a place near the terminal for $20 because Lucciana was staying with her parents. Next up birthday, stars and getting beaten up.

Chile Part 1: San Pedro de Atacama and Iquique

Hmm San Pedro de Atacama is a small desert oasis. Its one of those ultra touristy places that is still cool (like Banos and Monteverde). Very adobe. Kind of like a tiny Santa Fe without the nightlife and Santa Fe does not even have great nightlife. San Pedro however is dead. Really dead. I waited for Enzo and Rene in the main square. They only have two ATMs in town and one does not take visa so I had to trek out to the edge of town (All 200m) to uee the other one. One of the locals called me gringo. Oh well. Nevermind. I knew immediately that Chile was going to be better than Bolivia. We took a tour out to Valle de Luna as we did not have much time. The guys had to be in Peru for new year so we would move fast. The tour is actually pretty cool. We walked through the Valley of Death (which is like a mini Death Valley). Comparing the hottest to the driest place is to say they are similar. Atacama is probably prettier though. We went to some salt mines and saw some statues. Then we left the vehicles and went hiking along a ridge line to get sunset. Really cool. Was very impressive. Huge sand dunes had piled up amongst the mountains and the view from the top was spectacular as the colours changed with the ever fading light. Well worth the visit. Got blasted by the sun again and would do the following day as well. Need new skin. Came back to San Pedro and it was dead. Went to the square and played with some dogs. They were too hungry though and tried to eat my arms. Mental. Enzo went to sleep as the place was dead. Rene and I went wandering and were told there was a festival in the desert that night. Chatted with some local girls and they weren't going but said there weren't many people in town. I thought they meant locals for christmas as it was the 23rd, but they must have meant foreigners. This party is just for foreigners and a bit shit. We took a jeep out into the desert and they had a sound system and drinks. Don't know if drinks are expensive as I don't drink. Latin America and noone was dancing. Damn foreigners lol. It was a total sausage fest. Met some cool Belgian dudes and spent most of the night chatting with them. Was a bit of a waste of time. Asked one local woman where the locals were and she said they were boring and she preferred Germans and did we want some weed. Nope not really thanks and after that boring party and having visited a Chilean nightclubn here in Iquique, I would say its the foreigners who are dull. There was even an English guy who had lived in Lima for 5 months and did not speak Spanish. How the fuck is that even possible. You have to try to achieve that. There were the 3 Charlie Chaplins as well. Locals who were always hanging together, but never actually said a word all night long.

We grabbed breakfast and I got my change from the hotel as they had not had any the night before. Then we went to Calama. Being christmas eve it was not possible to tour the copper mines which was a shame. Damn christmas lol. So we decided to go straight to Iquique. The eggs from breakfast came back to haunt me. Slept a lot on the buses. The hostel was full so they sent us to another place. That had a dead rat on the doorstep so we opted for another place just across from Beach Hostel. Its not really open yet and has no sign but is cheap enough. We took the cheap room with no deep mattresses, no private bathroom and no tv. The owner said we were soldiers. Hardly. Just not pampered pussies. Iquique is a really pretty city on the Pacific coast with the cliffs overlooking the town. I like it here. Could live here for a bit. I love the ocean and never lived anywhere with it. Suppose that will change with BA sortof. They have a clock tower in the middle of the town and a Georgian promenade with old wooden trams that sadly aren't running anymore. We went walking around and met some tramps on the beach. We thought they were travellers, but they weren't. Had a fun time with them for a bit. Rene and Enzo always take loads of video diaries of their trips, which is cool as its like having a mini film. There were a bunch of people using the gym on the beach at midnight. Why they weren't with their families I don't know. The whole town was dead though, because the 24th is christmas here. Shame. We would never actually get to sample Chilean nightlife together. We ended up with rogue dog companions and eventually settled into a bar on the waterfront and got chatting with the barmaids. Noone showed up though and Enzo ended up paying $7 for an orange juice. This is not a cheap country. Really cool place though. In three days I have already done more interesting things than two weeks in Bolivia. Though admittedly I missed most of the famous tours there. Two consecutive dead nights. They also use European plug sockets in Chile. I think it is because in reality Chile is more European than South American. They can dance electronica, they use European plugs, apparently everyone is loyal and they like spicey food. They break all the stereotypes for this continent.

CHRISTMAS DAY. Well for the English anyway. The guys went and bought their bus tickets to leave at 2.30am. Not sure why they wanted to leave at that ungodly hour for the frontier. Then again I have an overnighter to Antofagasta tonight. Expensive the buses here. Well its expensive for everything so I won't mention that again. Its like Brazil. A taxi driver offered to take us to Humberstone for 40,000 Pesos ($75) with a wait of one hour. Ridiculous. You can get a bus for 2,000 each way from the market and we stayed there 4 hours so you need time. We got to the bus station at 10.55am and the last bus that day was 11am. The guys still needed to check out so they ran back to complete that while I stalled the bus. They came running back just in time and we set off for about a 45 minute journey. Humberstone is a UNESCO ghost town that used to be a nitrate mining community and is the ultimate children's playground. Awesome place as well. I had been to mining ghost towns in the States with about 10 buildings etc. This place must have had about 200, a swimming pool, basketball court, hotel and theatre. All deserted and all ready to be explored. We found one building with Rene 1986 on it, which is Rene's date of birth. We joked it was his house and where was the key. The dentist's house had Brazil scrawled on it so it must have been his relatives. You clan clamber around the pool and climb the old water tanks, fart about on the trains and we even filmed and Irish dancing performance in the theatre. There is so much to explor. Then at the far end is the actual smelting factory and all of the workplaces for the town. Rusting trains, heavy duty machinery and rusting corregated iron. This place is worth a visit. Santa Laura, the other location, is sort of more of the same, but the rolling wooden plant is great to descend into. There are much more interesting things to see in Chile than most of the other countries seemingly and I did not even have enough time to visit Pica here. We were knackered after 4 hours out there in the desert and we could not grab a ift back. After an hour we stopped a taxi and we managed to get the ride for 6,000 pesos in total. Nice. Same as the bus. We were sitting in a cafe when we bumped into some hostel owners whop invited us to a fiesta. Met two groups of French people that day who thought it was weird that I spoke Spanish when I am English lol. Its getting pretty good now. Can live in just Spanish easily. My face looked like gothic make up after the burns. I saw the guys to the bus station and then nearly shit myself walking home. Grabbed my mp3 player and went for an hour long walk on the beach. Good times.

I woke up at 1.30pm as I don't have an alarm and have no concept of time. Missed the Spurs game, but we got a decent 0-0 draw away to Fulham. Villa lost to Arsenal, but Liverpool and Man City won. Need to beat West Ham tomorrow. I finally bought some long needed socks and then met Rocio in the afternoon for drinks. I was going to go to Arica to meet the girls I had met in Arequipa, but had no solid contact details so did not go in the end. We went for a walk along the coast and got really good seafood empanadas. Not sure which seafood, but a type of shellfish. Maybe conch. We saw the caimans and they had a show of sealions for free. Then we went to her house and met her friends. They leave for clubs at about 1am in Chile as everyone drinks in the clubs, so not anticipating finding many great bars in town. There are some stunning girls in this town and everyone dances to electronica and can dance to electronica. Night life was thumping. We went to a club and one of the girls managed to get me in for free, which was nice as entrance was $10. I don't drink so I paid nothing in the end. Chileans tend to dance in lines facing each other, which is a little odd, but groups of guys go in search of groups of girls with the same number of people. I ended up pulling Rocio's friend Paula and we had a fun time dancing. Was great to be in a place with good music again. Also I was at ground level. After so much time in the mountains my energy levelw as immense and the dancing not even remotely tiring. I can see how athletes have advantages with this. I came back in the car listening to Snoop and Dre (so different to other countries here). I then went for another walk by the sea. I love the coast, just not enamoured by beaches. Chile looks like it will have banging nightlife and should be awesome. Even the French were telling me how great the fish sandwiches are in Coquimbo. Will have to eat one. French recommendations for food with praise are rare praise indeed from the master culinary nation.

Today I got up and Rocio was busy. Was going to go to Pica but did not have enough time. I went walking down the coast and then bought mu bus ticket. Decided to catch up on my writing while I waited for the bus. Went walking down to the duty free zone in the north. So many pretty, multicoloured buildings. It realy is a nice town. They pay reasonably well for teaching as well. Maybe I will come and live in Chile at some point. Really liking this country already and so much still to see. Oh well. Lets get this bus and start off on the long journey south. Will finally catch up with Lucciana.

Bolivia Part 4: Salar de Uyuni

Apt I should be writing about this as I peel the last of the dead skin from my lips to reveal a brand spanking set. The sun's a little stronger than I anticipated down there. Though why I did not anticipate strong sun in summer, in the driest place in the world is a mystery to everyone, myself included. I said I did not expect anything else of note to happen and it didn't. Apart from a desperate scramble to not eat chicken. Fuck they love their fried chicken in Bolivia. It must be the national dish and the national motto is probably 'that will be 15 Bolivianos please.' Their propensity to rip people off and make you eat chicken was so legendary that the Brazilians with whom I travelled across Uyuni would constantly make that joke. Its an onrunner that carries on to this day and will probably be resurrected in Sao Paolo and Rio. Anyway all the restaurants in Oruro were shut. Presumably because Bolivians only need to eat on six days of the week and this super power enables them to starve foreigners on a sunday. After about 40 minutes of searching I finally found some generous soul to give me salchipapas (very unoriginal, but at least it was not chicken). I took the train. Ah trains make me miss Europe. One of the first times. They are so much better than buses. Why do buses even exist? Dirty, smelly, shit traps. Ah the keyboard is eating my letters again. Have to be careful I don't make mistakes. Leg room, relaxation and great trailers. Oooh a good film. Not quite. My sister's keeper. Not bad though. Then we got the Manchurian Candidate. Made me remember Boston as I saw it there, when my dad would not watch it with me as he did not want to go back to our hotel in Roxbury at night. Its a better neighbourhood than most Bostonians think. How did the Saints lose 20-17 to the fucking Buccaneers today. Oh well. Let's see how we do in the postseason. Hopefully Chicago do us a favour monday. For the postseason will have to find some bars and do Hunter S Thompson betting to fund my budget for Chile. Expensive country this one. Some religious group was on the train with me. They all lit candles to pray before we left. Mental cases. They were praying for a safe passage, but the biggest danger was them setting fire to the train. They don't think much in these countries. I wanted to get bin and hopefully get a tour the next day as I had had enough of Bolivia. The similarities with Nicaragua of being a nice place with fuck all to do and very cheap are many. Also the moving into a better country afterwards (Costa Rica and Chile respectively) and realising how bored I was before and how much better despite being expensive these countries are. Nicaragua and Bolivia are officially very dull. Costa Rica and Chile both rock. 'Everybody Dance Now.' Yeah this is a rhythm for writing. I arrived in Uyuni. Its very cold and small and nothing is open at 2am. After doing some Joseph biblical wanderings I found a place to stay the night and get a tour in the morning. It had no light (really it did, I was just too stupid to work out how to turn it on until too late).

I overslept as I ignored my alarm because there was no light outside so it could not have been late enough. Not sure where my thinking was. There was no light because there were no windows and how can the alarm go off early. Nevermind. The brain does not always work at full speed. I chatted with a tour company and paid 550 Bolivianos (Hd no bargaining power and that was to include the transfer to Chile. Yeah of course it was. Fuck these little lying fuckholes). Can't see myself ever bothering to go back to Peru or Bolivia. Maybe I may cross to Arequipa if in Chile. As for Ecuador. They are lucky they have the Galapagos to make me have to go back once again, though I would probably nip to Cuenca. Except for those places, these countries are effectively useless shitholes. Had to pay 21 Bolivianos to exit the country. Good job they don't put it on entrance. I pity the Yanks having to pay $130 to enter mighty Bolivia. Money not well spent. Although the people are better than Peru (except the north) and Ecuador. They know you will want to pay to exit. I got breakfast. At last good bread. Where were they hiding this stuff? Chile, probably. I was grouped with three Israelis. Seemed like a nice bunch. They went to get breakfast and the slavery chattel market kicked in again. I was instead sold to a group of Brazilians for 2 lies, 15 Bolivianos and a Pollo. Fuck me 106 year TD return for Jets on Colts. End their perfect record and appease my jealousy. Hmm a rare tour I get to (have to) practice my Spanish as my group did not speak English. Nice bunch. Portuguese is easier to understand from the south of Brazil and I could make out about 40% of what they were saying, but when we spoke together it was in Spanish. Enzo (guy from Rio) taught me how to samba in the middle of Uyuni. Class. Others were taking the obligatory on top of a bottle photo or other such nonsense. I was learning samba lol. First stop was the train graveyard. Not a bad little place. Loads of junked, rusting trains on the edge of town. All the tours were going the same way and to the same places, so we were like a military convoy. I left the main body and went to chat with some local kids who use the train yard for playing. Bit dangerous maybe, but also what a cool playground if you were a kid. Me and my sister would have loved it. We had a half hour stop to look at local artesanal craft (or the latest shit they have knocked out of a factory to pass off as hand made). Makes me laugh how so many hand made crafts are meticulously identical and how these hours of labour manage to generate enough goods to seel all over the country, as you see the same old shit everywhere. They are as hand made and original as I am blonde and short. I spend half an hour drinking a fruit juice. Then I was told we had to pay 30 Bolivianos for a national park that noone had told me. Fuckers. I did not have enough Bolivianos, so would end up borrowing from Enzo. The Brazilians told me that Rio carnival was for only tourists (ver Ingles, which I knew), but also that Salvador was as well (which I did not know). Apparently around Recife is the best place. Hmm. I'll trust them. They live there. After this tour with the Brazilians I have more or less decided I will live in Brazil and work before going to New Zealand. Though I like Chile as well. Need to learn Portuguese first though. We visited Ojos de Sal which was not bad. Then we went to Isla del Pescado. Fucking spectacular. You have to climb this place. Superb. They wanted 15 Bolivianos (what else) to climb the hill. Yet they are retards. There is a way up and another pass down. Now what would you do if you wanted people to pay? Put only people on the route up and leave the route down unguarded? Excellent. If you answered yes, you are as stupid as the people on Isla Del Pescado. So the route down in unguarded. What would you do? We just did not bother paying and went up that way. If you are going to rob someone, at least do it properly. So we climbed up to the top for free and the view is superb. Its like a white sea in every direction. Truly unique from what I have seen so far, though Franny informs me they have them in Tunisia as well. That's the problem with travelling a lot. You compare everything and if you have seen the best, everything else is rubbish. Jaded is the right word for it. Still the new stuff is top class. Salar de Uyuni itself is top class. We were travelling in a Toyota. One class up from the Highlander, but I was still fondly remembering the US road trip. Transport nostalgia all over this trip. Ah one thing completely unrelated. People say how Avatar the film is an analogy of the Iraq War etc. Idiots. Its clearly and very obviously a take on America's colonisation by the English. Similarities are too striking. We went to some blocks of salt. Yep a bnunch of blocks. There are a lot of stops at pointless places to to pad out the tour itinerary to make it seem you will be seeing more. There was a big block saying don't touch anything (and a load of others spelling Kiwi, showing a Jewish candelabra and saying fea to demonstrate people were paying attention to the big block). We got to visit the 'illegal' salt hotel, which is quite cool. The seats are very uncomfortable but the statues inside are cool. They want 5 (not 15) Bolivianos for the toilet. I reckon someone should shit on the doorstep of the toilet. Will thye then let people use it for free. Might persuade them. People should never have to pay for a damn toilet. Then again they don't even have them on buses in Bolivia. We arrived in the little town and found a local kid with a football to play. Marcelo. He supports Chile. Oh well. They are better than Bolivia. Playing football with Brazilians was cool and I took goalkeeping duties. We went hunting for computers that night with Enzo and Rene, but we had no luck. Enzo is actually on a mission to sleep with a woman from every country in the World and has 20 so far. If he makes it, he wants to write a book. Interesting concept. More juicy than mine lol.

Hmm plum jam. My favourite. Don't think I had any though. We got up early to go to a rocky outcrop to see a volcano. Excellent. That was worth getting up at 6am for. If you can't detect the sarcasm, its there. We had a lot of 70s and 80s music which they love in Uyuni. They had AC/DC 'Back in Black' and we were in a convoy of SUVs in the desert. Ironman moment. I cranked it up and that was a cool little vista. I decided for the road trip across Europe I want to buy a giant bus and decorate and paint it before driving all over Europe on a cool little road trip. There were a lot of lakes filled with flamingos. Was nice to see. Saw some vicunas. We went out over some rocky outcrops and saw some green stuff on rocks. There would be a stop later just to see this 'unique' green stuff. They said it only grows there. Bullshit. I had seen it and touched it in the morning. Hmm was an Aussie with a cute arse. We saw the mountains of many colours. They were quite cool. Very Bryce Canyonesque. Deserts are lifeless places. Makes me like them as much as beaches. Actually I prefer deserts. We then went to the Valley of the Rocks. That's a funky place. Lots of rocks carved up into different shapes. Wandered around there a bit. By this point I had been incinerated by the sun, for which I am just recovering, so I had to wear a towel on my head all day to limit further damage. We arrived at the Lake of Colours to stay the night. Was red from minerals blown into it and so windy it was unbelievable. It was like walking in a wind tunnel. It whipped gravel into your eyes and kept slapping you with a constant barrage. So damn cold. There was a fair bit of fitness in this hotel. Also the Israelis were here. They asked what happened and I explained I was kidnapped. Everyone drank a lot of wine, but me and two of the Brazilians did not drink so the others got a little hammered and we all played an Israeli game of Uno. One of the Israeli girls had had a Colombian boyfriend so we were reminiscing about Colombia etc. I went to sleep eventually listening to people talking shit about stuff they do not know about. Usual travel stuff.

In the morning we got up at 4am to go and see some geysers. They weren't bad, but again after Yellowstone they were a bit shat. Not sure why so many travellers don't want to go to the US. They truly do have some of the most spectacular national parks out there. It was fucking cold out there as well. I have just realised I have no real cold weather clothes and no real warm weather ones either. I have generic middle temperature clothes. Useless. We went to some thermal baths and they were luke warm but welcome after having to suffer through lack of showers. Second place did not have them. First place you had to pay 10 Bolivianos. In the thermal baths Enzo intorduced me to two Brazilian girls from his home town and we all did this weird Brazilian humping dance in the thermals on film. Brazilians are class to travel with. We then demonstrated English bump and grind, before some samba in the pool. I think the others thought we were nuts. We visited Laguna Verde. That's a really pretty lake. Kind of like the five coloured lakes near Comitan in Mexico. Afterwards they drove us to the border and we said goodbye to three of the Brazilians. The included transfer was not included. It was Ripley Tours by the way. So avoid them and if you end up in Uyuni go and complain to them for me so they know how shit they are and that their actions have consequences. The guy did not check tickets until we were about to leave. Then he realised I did not really have one. Great. i had to move buses but he promised me a seat on the other one. Then I got off and got on the other bus and he told me there was no space. Lying little shit. I called him a liar and he said I could not use his bus. Stupid little fucker. He said for my own security I should use the third bus. Hijo de puta. My security. He was 3 foot nothing. I was dreaming of breaking his nose on the van and wondering if the jurisdiction would not cross the border, but then again a border was not the best place to pick a fight. Little shit. At least he lost money and the other bus was much faster at crossing the border. I hope something awful happens to him. Oh well. Farewell and fuck off Bolivia and your lying bastard tour operators. Onwards to Chile.

Bolivia Part Three: Santa Cruz, Cochabamba and Oruro

I got to Santa Cruz and took a taxi to the centre. It looked like the wild west at first glance and was quite funky. The weather was hot, which was good and I was down from altitude for the first time in ages. It was a nice town, but there was nothing to do. After one hour there I had pretty much seen the whole place. Hmm there did not seem to be anywhere in Bolivia you could spend a lot of time as there was just nothing in any of the towns. It has the same feeling of being in Nicaragua. Now everyone says the women are the best in Santa Cruz. I disagree. I think they are better looking in Sucre, but sexier in Santa Cruz. Shows how much there was to do. Both cinemas had closed down and the highlight park was shut down. Nice. Spurs were on ESPN. Class. I watched us beat Man City 3-0 at home, outclass them and effectively get Mark Hughes sacked. The hostel staff watched it with me as well. I met Liz and we went to the Irish pub where I had an 'Irish breakfast'. Last time I checked that was an English breakfast, but as we are basically the same country I will let it go. Then we grabbed some drinks, I hung around the plaza a bit and turfed in.

At breakfast the hostel seemed to be populated with just English people. I got a job offer from Bogota British Council. Excellent. Normally you can't work for them without 2 years experience, so they must have liked my work. Lina said I could stay with her. Cool. Would be good to see her and everyone again. Then they pulled the plug as I was not in Colombia at that time. Shitty. Some things come and go too fast. I had walked out of a restaurant the day before, because all the staff stood around like lemons for 5 minutes and I was not being served. Then this day I had the same problem in a pastry shop. This country has without doubt the worst level of customer service I have ever seen anywhere and I have had to deal with Caribbean embassies. I wanted a cake. The first person would not serve me as they were taking ages to count a small amount of money. It was not the second guys jurisdiction and I would have to walk all the way to the other side to use that till. I had exact change. 'Just take my fucking money arsehole and give me the cake.' No it was too much for his brain to process so I stormed out. Then I walked to the bus station to get a ticket for Cochabamba the next morning. They would not sell me a ticket. What the fuck. Sell me a fucking ticket. One woman would for an extra charge. I said no. Then this other woman came to buy a ticket for the next day and was offered face value. I said why was she not paying a tax and she just smiled and shut the computer screen down. I could have smashed her face through the desk. They would only sell me tickets for the next day if I wanted an expensive bus, which I didn't. In the end only one company would let me travel on the cheap buses. Fuck these hawking bastards and screwing the tourists. I don't need a bus cama for a day trip. Also the hostel in Potosi fucked the Australian guy. They sold him a ticket for 35 Bolivianos to Sucre with apparently 10 commission. Yet according to Evo's own fare lisitings the maximum that can be charged for that trip is 18. Someone is fucking someone, but most likely everyone is fucking everyone. What a money grubbing dirty little system in everyway is Bolivia's bus system. I was so bored in the day I just decided. You know what, let's just go to Chile. Of course that's easier to type than to execute with this transport system. I met Liz and her Yankee boyfriend and we went to his place. He had rescued a dog in Guatemala and it had travelled with him everywhere and was now living with him down there. Quite cool. He also told some interesting stories about how shitty Aymara culture is. The richest families are elected to pay for all festivities and if they don't their children are shunned. One woman had a leg amputated and wanted to sell her land, but because she had missed meetings due to the amputation they wanted to fine her $100. Also the owners of the animal rescue centre where Johannes had been working weer corrupt. They had siphoned off $5,000 he had given them, were taking most of the money from the volunteers to fund their own lives and had even borken into another rescue centre, attempting to steal one of the bears there. Wow this country is awesome. How come both the two socialist countries (Venezuela and Bolivia) have so many money hunting grafters. Desperation breeds capitalism seemingly. That's one for Chavez and his black market to chew on. We then met one of Liz's friends and went out to some bars. First one noone was dancing. That's just not Latin America. Good music though. Second bar everyone was dancing, but the music was crap. Typical. Was also the same price for a coke and a beer. Bastards. What's the point of not being able to drink if it does not at least save you some money. Quite a lot of fit girls in the first bar though. The others bailed early and I snuck back to my room for a little bit of sleep before leaving.

I went to the station in the morning and they finally sold me a ticket. Bout time. Then some woman in the internet place fucked with me. Cost was 1 Boliviano. I gave her a 50. She gave me 48 back. I said it was short. She said there was a charge of 1 Boliviano to break a big note. Ah go fuck yourself. I called her a 'puta' and got very abusive. I had finally snapped. She got offended and very surprised. I continued the tirade and that visibly shook her. Good. Fuck her. It had been awhile since I let fly with invective, but I can be very cutting. This country was putting me over the edge. There was no space for my bag so I shoved it down the bus. I was not feeling charitable. I got to Cochabamba and the piece of shit bus broke down short of the bus station. Oh well at least it made it to town. Its a bit of a poohole. Checked into a hotel with CNN and went for a walk around. Not much to see here either and by this point I did not care. Was going to make the run for Uyuni tomorrow. Noone to go out with so I went and watched Avatar in Spanish in a funky crumbling old theatre. Quite enjoyed the film, though I am sure I missed some of the details again.

I woke up and caught the end of Heartbreakers. Not a bad film from memory. Liverpool lost 2-0 to Portsmouth. Hah they suck. I watched us beat Blackburn 2-0 away on ESPN. Good result and we are back on track. Villa, Arsenal and Man City won, but Man Utd lost and Chelsea drew. Funny season this one. Very open. Then Mark Hughes was sacked. Put my laundry in and they promised it to me for 2pm as I had to take a bus to make the Uyuni connection. I got there at 2pm and they said come back in half an hour. So I came back in half an hour. They said come back in half an hour more. Fuck these retards. They promised me a time. I exploded again. The guy stood there smiling. I assured him this was no joke, I wanted a discount and I wanted my clothes. Where were they. He said could I recognise them. I said he should be able to as he took the order. They had sent my clothes to another place to be washed. I could have done that myself. Three parts were here though. Odd. I leapt the counter and walked into his shop, picked up my stuff, told him these were mine and where were the others and I wanted them now. He stopped smiling. He almost shit himself. I was livid. What the fuck is wrong with service in this country. He left the shop unattended to find my stuff and then very rapidly pressed them all. He was so fast I felt sorry for him and thought I may pay afterall. He was moving like lightning. Hmm. American service does not come from the work ethic of the people, but the demands of the clients. You can't deliver shit service if your customers demand more and it snaps them into line. Maybe the Bolivians need to take some pride in themselves and their country and force the service levels higher. He had weighed it wrong earlier and it should have cost 36 Bolivianos but he only charged me 10 Bolivianos. Nice. Getting fiery can really save you something, but I was genuinely pissed off. They had made me snap twice in two days. I went off to Oruro hoping to make Uyuni, but the laundryman's delays meant I missed andy connection and when I got there it was absolutely smashing it down. Got drenched and the streets were rivers of water as there is no drainage. Most hotels wanted exhorbitant amounts of money but one eventually gave me a room. The Saints lost their unbeaten record after being blitzed early on to the Cowboys 24-17. Shitty. Still they can hopefully go on and lift their first superbowl.

Laundryman had cost me a night's accomodation, but thankfully it meant I would not have to set foot on a bus again in this country. I got up and got a quote for a bus to Uyuni. 35 Bolivianos. If it was even close for the train I was going to go by train. I walked through town. Its a bit of a shithole Oruro. Sucre or Santa Cruz is hands down the best city in Bolivia. Train was 40 Bolivianos and so I bought a ticket. Just the salt plains tour to go and I should be in Chile. Should be no problems as I imagine that tour is first class. Just got to think if I should draw out some dollars to cover me into Chile in case there are any problems. Not sure if there is an ATM in Uyuni and the one in San Pedro de Atacama is unreliable. I have somewhere between 700 and 800 Bolivianos and it may not be enough. I then decided to sit and write as this town is bullshit and my train goes in 3 hours. Can't imagine anything too exciting will happen from now until then. Looks like the Patriots and Cardinals are heading to the postseason.

Boliva Part Two: Potosi and Sucre

I woke up early and went to the bus station with the girls. They were back off to Peru to catch a plane from Cuzco. There were no morning buses to Sucre or Potosi, because apparently the locals only travel between the two to shop. Fine. So I took a bus to Oruro, which is where I am writing this now ironically. Spurs somehow lost 1-0 against Wolves at home. Fucking shit. Man City drew and Villa beat Man U of all teams. I have a feeling I have covered this already. Never mind. There was a bus to Potosi. So I took that one. I got there and walked uphill in the highest city in the world to the hostel. Its a charming enough, tiny town, but deadly boring. Nothing to do at all. I was suffering from a chest infection and worried about the cramping for the 'mine tour'. I knew that Ollie had bottled it and I was seriously considering doing the same. In the end I opted out and then found out they don't run the tours on a sunday anyway so I could not have gone if I wanted to. Yeah that's my excuse, but really I am just a bit of a pussy with this. Maybe I will go see the mines in Chile as the couchsurfer I am meeting in Iquique is doing some sort of research on this.

I met an Aussie guy in the morning and we grabbed some lunch. I decided to write and then check out the town. Ah yeah I wrote there so I had mentioned the scores before. There is not actually much to see in the town so the walkaround was quick. Real Potosi won the Bolivian league and the celebrations were a bit pathetic. Paled into significance with being in Seville when they paraded the Copa Del Rey. Assured me that town has crap nightlife. Liverpool lost to the Gunners. Hahahah. They suck right now. Will probably come back to bite me at the end of this trip. I arrived in Sucre and everything was dark and foreboding. Decided to just grab a cheap place by the bus station. Found a really shitty place, but it was cheap. Got chatting with some local girls in the restaurant place and they wanted to know why I was not choosing to work in Bolivia. Was not a hard decision.

In the morning I overslept, because I had set the alarm for 7.30pm instead of 7.30am. Ah damn teething problems. I paid for another night and then walked into town. Would miss the Aussie guy for the dinosaur tour thing. Wow Sucre is a really pretty little town. I like it a lot. Bolivian girls are also much better than Peruvian girls and possibly shade the Ecuadoreans. Then again maybe not. I took the dinosaur tour with a random bunch of tourists. The tour guides English is overly dramatic. The footprints are quite cool to see, but I figured we would be allowed to get much closer to see them. That was a little disappointing. I decided to go and rent a room in the downtown so I had effectively paid for luggage storage. Still it was not too expensive. I did see a woman stand over a drain and piss directly down into it. Classy. Like a streetside waterfall. I was now slightly worried about making Uyuni and whether the tours would make it for christmas. Claudia could not meet up and Sofia was not going to make the gig so I figured I would head on to Sant Cruz the next day. I wanted to sample the nightlife here, but there was noone around and not much going on, so I just watched Surrogates instead, which was ok.

I got chatting with a Dutch guy over breakfast the next day. Interesting old dude. I went to visit the museum in town. It is recommended to eat less at altitude so I started to do that as was feeling a bit shitty. I am sure there is something wrong with my stomach. Hoping its not the hernia. Museum was ok. Nothing you couldn't miss. Graham had headed into town, but I did not have time to meet him as I was leaving. They are having a campaign to get Rage Against the Machine's 'Killing in the Name Of' to christmas number one over the X-Factor in the UK. Nice campaign. Wrong song. Should have gone for 'Wake Up'. Less offensive, about mind control, which is what they accuse the X Factor of more or less and comes from the Matrix films so will be remembered. Bus station bullshit was to follow. They fucked around with the tickets and then said the bus was leaving and blocked off the ways down, while I still needed the toilet as they don't believe in toilets on buses in Bolivia. They would not put the bag in the old as I had no ticket, so I just started whacking people and then stored it inside. Shit organisation. I have not lost my temper in ages, but have snapped twice in the last two days in this country and I think this started it. I wrote 'shittest, dirtiest bus in Bolivia with no toilet. Fuck this shit.' The roads out of town were awful. It was like driving in a quarry. We had a toilet and dinner stop, but I did not want to eat there. Someone kept touching my face like John Travolta from 'Face/Off' and someone looked like a moomin. Anyway. Onwards we go.