Bogota Week Five

Time for some change of pace. Will write all of these entries to the music of Guns and Roses Live in Tokyo 1992. Should provide some cool firepower for the words. Attempting a mammoth session to cover my remaining time in my second home. Just learnt Praveen is being a demon over in Delhi. Four women in four nights. By the time I finish my trip I will probably have to write a book only about his exploits.

Anyway that monday I found out about the British Council. They had received my money and due to two bank holidays, the course would run over until the tuesday. My visa was to run out on the wednesday if they gave me what I wanted and that was not certain yet. Was going to be a careening, rollocking, regal ride to the border. I found out Praveen had a hidden girlfriend or at least thats what I thought. Instead he was seeing this girl who was Colombian, but mental. She had snuck into a temple in India and observed one of the Gurus demonstrating the Karma Sutra with his wife. She had observed five things, but when applied together they can be fatal. She was not aware of this and had managed to knock out one of her boyfriends in Colombia. She had then proceeded to nearly kill Praveen by applying five at once and it was only his superior yoga skills that prevented me from finding a dead housemate in my house. Damn this fucking slow youtube. Why can't this country have a real speed internet. The owner was mostly naked apparently. I don't remember that, but maybe this was the night she said I needed to find her a foreign boyfriend. Praveen believed she meant me, but I figured differently. Well at least I was not going to satisfy that wish if she had it. Ghana and Brazil qualified for the World Cup. Alice apparently went south and taught kids. I have no idea what the hell that means. I know she got lost once and ventured into the southern parts of Bogota. Brave girl. Though David tells me there are some cool bars down there. I bought a Lope De Vega play to practice my Spanish. He is my favourite playwright but its rock hard in Spanish as its Shakespearean equivalent Spanish and very difficult. Gloria stayed over again and asked me about Mayra staying. She had asked me if I still liked her. I said that's difficult to know after four months and then she asked would I sleep with her if she wanted and I said yes. I think that level of honesty took her by surprise as Latin guys are generally not that honest, but I won't lie ever to a direct question. For some strange reason she still apparently did not trust me at that point. It was weird that even though we were never in a commited relationship officially we never ended up seeing anyone else during the time we were together. I had liked Mayra a lot when I met her the first time, but you never know after four months how you will feel for someone. I always say though that my honesty is brutal at times. For good and for bad you will always get an honest answer out of me. Its salving for the soul and I honestly believe that if I tell one lie I cease to exist as it is such a fundamental and integral part of my character. You stand and fall by what you believe in. What you believe defined who you are and whether you deliver on your beliefs defines your confidence and what sort of person you are. I believe it was Alexander Hamilton who said 'A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything.'

The next day I rested all day long as I was still buggered. The medication had not fixed it so I went to see a doctor that Leonardo had recommended to Gloria. He told me that I hate acute tonsilitis and a minor hernia. Which I had forgotten I had until now. Damn diary. I did not find out anything about it this time as I did not know what a hernia was exactly, even though I had witnessed a hernia operation in Tijuana. A bit of foreshadowing perhaps. I ended up seeing the doctor again so I may as well cover off my health here and now. I do apparently have a minor hernia near my belly button. It is very minor and so minor I could even play rugby with no problem. The only thing I can't do is lift heavy weights. Oh well. I may have the same size hands as Arnie, but it looks like the opportunity to follow in his footsteps as Mister Universe has passed me by. Scrap that one from the list of aims. Still I don't like having one, but the operational risk is not really worth it. Not till I am back in the UK and it is free anyway. Apparently I have also shrunk, but then maybe my original conversation of feet and inches into metres was just someway off. Gloria came over and we were both relieved that at least it was not Herpes. Damn my sister. She thinks everything is a sexually transmitted disease. If you sneeze she probably thinks you have AIDS. I ended up meeting Angelica from Manizales (from now on Angelica M to avoid confusion) for dinner. Everyone in Colombia has a name beginning with A if you had not noticed this and even my English friend Alice added to that list. I think by the end of my time in Colombia I had a phone list for A's that could have wallpapered the Taj Mahal. We went for a few drinks as well and was a nice time.

Jennifer cancelled her lessons as she was not well and neither was I to be fair. I did nothing much that day. I am a very bad sick person. Constantly moping around. I think active people suck as patients, precisely because we lack patience. I watched most of Fast and the Furious 4 with Praveen (which was mostly cack) and then Mayra arrived. She had been late due to taxi problems and I feared that she may have had something happen to her and her luggage around the glorious area that is Las Aguas. She seems to be the only one of my friends the security guards did not acuse of being a prostitute. Maybe the suitcase helped. She would have to be a special interest prostitute to arrive with all that stuff. We grabbed a late night arepa (always a harrowing experience and one I passed) and then we stayed up chatting. I had watched the football with Camila that day as well. Seemingly I have missed this and should really move it to its proper place, but I am too lazy. Colombia lost anyway and I think it was against Uruguay, who pipped them by one point and won their first leg 1-0 against Costa Rica last night.

We got out and I spent the day hanging with Mayra. We went to the Museo del Oro. First time I had been there. I have no interest whatsoever in jewelry and gold, but it is actually quite an interesting museum. I still maintain Museo de Antioquea is the best in Colombia, but this one is good. In the evening we went up Montserrate for my third time, but the first time I had seen it at night. Its very pretty up there, but neither of us are the most comfortable with heights. Mayra showered and left. She somehow managed to leave her underwear on my bedpost. This would cause me grief and mysteries as I thought my psychological abilities enabled me to understand most people, but this one stumped me. Jennifer found the underwear a couple of days later and it was difficult to persuade her that nothing had happened. Dammit people just don't believe honesty here. Praveen backed me up though. Gloria believed that Mayra left them there on purpose, which is a theory that someone else supported. Can't remember who though. That its a Latin thing and its kind of to indicate that I can't have her and to remind me of her, which is the most mental thing I have ever heard of. Firstly a pair of pants is not going to indicate you can't have someone, secondly you either think of people or not, but normally you think less about someone you don't have anything with. Also I have a very c'est la vie attitude (bad attempt at French) to life and if I am with someone, I am with them. If I am not with someone, I am not with someone. If she had wanted me she could have had me and if she didn't want me, oh well it won't be the first or the last lol. I am not too sentimental and I don't think about things I can't control. If something bothers me and I can fix it, I fix it. If I can't, I don't stress about it lol. Which brings me onto an even weirder story with David and a girl he was dating. He had taken her out a few times and they were in a bar. A guy asked if he could dance with her. David said yes and then she ended up kissing the guy in front of him. Fucking odd. Apparently some Latin women do that to make the guy like them more. Apparently some latin women are fucking mental. In what world do you see your girlfriend kiss another guy and then you think, 'You know what I really want her now.' Normally I think she is a 'perra' (bitch) and get rid of her. As Lope De Vega said 600 years ago (or was it Marquez) 'If a woman tries to make you jealous by flirting with another man, punish him by letting him have her.' That holds very true. If there are any latin women who think this is a good idea with European or North American men then they are nuts. Apparently they would feel stupid the next day. I think they were feeling stupid from the moment they took that decision. Oh well. Gloria wanted me to mail the pants back to Mayra, but I did not see the point of wasting money on a stamp. That evening I went to Julian's place for one of Gloria's leaving dos. It was a nice gathering and the group were nice people. Praveen and I walked home afterwards and finished off the film. Its a shame I never got to say goodbye to Julian and a few other people, but I never ventured to the English language meeting for the last two weeks as me and Gloria were having a bit of a conflict and I was not sure if I would have been welcome there or not, given that the cafe is owned by a good friend of hers.

I did nothing much in the day again. Ah the energy of a sick man. Then in the evening I went to a salsa place with Gloria, Pablo (Argentine guy), Mariann (Gloria's friend) and Praveen. I fucking hate salsa. I have danced it once in Villeta since and Lina reckons I can dance it well, but that still does not make me like it. There was some cool African dancing and Gloria and I did some ramdom bump and grind stuff to that. Pablo ended up hooking up with Mariann and Praveen was left alone. Gloria and me left early for my place and had a good time despite me being super sick, before she took a taxi back with Pablo. The guard said no more women were allowed in the building and yet Praveen was still bringing back all of his clandestine girlfriends. He had managed to extent his time in Colombia until the 21st of October and I think this is the time when he began his spree.

Spurs suffered their first defeat of the season when we lost 3-1 to Manchester United despite taking the lead in the first minute. Dammit, there go the title aspirations. I tried to sneak into the hostel to watch it again, but instead they were watching Batman. I went out with Praveen to buy a load of stuff and that night we were due to go to a party at Candelario. Praveen had invited Xiomara to the flat again, but in the end they met at the shit bar. I said I needed to rest a bit first and then proceeded to sleep through the entire night and miss the party. I woke up around 3am when Praveen came back. Shitty. I was still healing slowly. Apparently it was an awesome party and it was here that Praveen began to state that he always had a better time when I was not with him. I think he was kind of joking, but then again he can't have his clandestine trists if me or Alice are there. I had to get some books for my course, but was struggling to find them. In the end I borrowed them from the library of the course centre but quite late on.

On the sunday I could not meet Jenny as her boyfriend was going to the jazz again and these latin men and women are very jealous. Probably because a large chunk of them are unfaithful. Praveen and David insist that all Colombian women can't be trusted. I have found myself alone defending Colombian women against foreign guys. I maintain there are a fair few ´perras´and I make it around 10% or so, but they are a large perecentage of those in the clubs. Especially the traditional Gringo clubs. Most of the best girls don't go clubbing, though some do and I had two good relationships in Colombia, in which I believe the women were faithful so I have never had someone cheat on me yet there. Cristina, who I stayed with in Peru contacted me as she was coming to Colombia, but she ended up in Medellin and we never got to meet. Agus and Geli spoke with me for quite some time and we did some catching up. We were still trying to arrange the Patagonia trip and it looks like Geli is off to my country after Canada proved what a giant bunch of fuckwits they are. They changed the visa requirements a day before Geli and Sergio were going to Canada. Then they proceeded to slap a financial requirement that they failed due to an exchange rate shift of around $1.50 I think. What a bunch of morons. Then again I am not the biggest fan of Canada. Cold place, cold people, strange people. They are very nice people though. It is a poor man's America and a bigger, colder England. I met Alice at Jazz in the Park and we chilled there talking about the party and family. Gloria joined us and my mangled face was sufficiently healed to kiss again. Thank God. I had missed that. My tongue is by far the best part of my body and not being able to use it was a tragedy of Athenian proportions. I stayed for most of the jazz and it started to rain so they sold us some plastic stuff. It had no arm sleeves and appeared for kids as it just had a hood you hooked over your head. It was thoroughly useless and in the end we just used them to sit on to avoid getting a wet arse. I was planning a trip. Not sure where to or what, but apparently I was planning one. Maybe my sojourn to the Zona Cafetera.